The sneeze heard around the world.
The cause of the Sweden Incident became clearer late Sunday night in newly leaked information from the Trump White House. A kitchen in Stockholm is the focus of the investigation that involves a plate of spaghetti and one migrant meatball that went missing during an early bird special.
Reports from Stockholm indicate that an unidentified elderly female patron in a housecoat shuffled up to a plate of spaghetti “all covered with cheese” and sneezed on it, catapulting the meatball from the plate, which then “rolled off the table onto the floor.”
An arrest still has not been made as authorities struggle to contain the chaotic scene at the restaurant, while they search for the gray-haired perpetrator and breaded meatball. Chef Casper, who plated the dish of spaghetti and meatballs, has barricaded himself inside the kitchen refusing to speak to reporters.
Meatball sightings have been rolling into the 800 number posted at the Culinary Meatball Institute since the Sweden Incident was first reported hours earlier. However, the authenticity of these reports cannot be verified until authorities have sifted through all the calls.
At this hour, the Sweden Incident continues to unnerve a jittery country just days after the infamous Bowling Green Massacre struck fear in the hearts of U.S. citizens.
Updated at 8:45 PM
In late breaking news, officials confirmed information on the meatball’s whereabouts. A waiter at the restaurant had reportedly spotted the meatball as it “rolled out of the door,” according to several bystanders requesting anonymity.
Other eyewitnesses stated that after it rolled out the door, a pedestrian spotted the meatball in front of the restaurant in a state of “obvious distress or possibly sauced,” according to the local authorities. Then, “it rolled in the garden and under a bush.”
Officials immediately descended upon the garden in an attempted search and rescue operation to locate the meatball and return it to the kitchen.
Shortly after commencing the operation the meatball was located, prompting cheers from onlookers that quickly changed into audible gasps. Emergency responders told Stockholm authorities that the meatball was found in poor condition, described by someone on the scene as “nothing but mush.”
EMT workers were still hopeful they could save the meatball, scooped it up with a spatula then medevacked it to a local hospital where it was placed in the ICU.
Later, hospital officials announced that the “meatball had succumbed to its injuries despite efforts to save it.”
A forensic expert was called in to extract a section of meat for testing and ingested it, telling authorities that “The mush was as tasty as tasty could be, ” adding, “I’m confident that early next summer it will grow to a tree with great big meatballs and tomato sauce.”
As the CSI team wrapped up the investigation, local authorities arrested the suspected sneezer identified as Typhoid Mary, included on the WHO terror watch list, as revealed at a press conference in the hospital lobby. A WHO representative could not be reached for comment.
During the press conference, a reporter from the fake news site, Ai yai yai!, interrupted the proceedings with, “WHO could not be reached for comment?”
To which the official responded, “Exactly, WHO?”
The questioning continued for several minutes before another reporter asked, “What?”
This was immediately followed with an adamant, “No, WHO?”
Chef Casper would not respond to reporters’ requests for a statement, as he was inconsolable about the loss of his meatball and instead released a written statement to the Culinary Meatball Institute:
“If you eat spaghetti all covered with cheese, hold on to your meatball and don’t ever sneeze.”
The letter can be viewed in its entirety at a website dedicated to the survivors of terrorist sneeze attacks on minced meat.