A conversation with myself because no one else will listen.
Why don’t I feel like writing:
Arctic spring weather?
Green goop in China?
Lame, lame and lame.
Just strike the damn keys until something appears – Black-and-blue words, broken letters…
Cut the crap! You’re being lazy. No one gets anywhere by being lazy.
You’ve got to park your butt on the chair and exercise your fingers.
Just do it, if that is what you want to do. The hell with everything else. What about that Mt. Everest pile of laundry in the hall or the dust bunny colony in the basement?
Fuck ‘em. You can’t let repetitive chore motions strain your brain.
They’ll beat you up, steal your thoughts and turn you into a robot before you’ve finished polishing the silver. Who beat whom? God’s last disciple,
Self-fulfilling Prophesy. Look it up in the Book of Job. Read something longer than 300 words…I don’t think so.
Flash fiction with long breaks in between is what I need for a jolt of inspiration, a creative defibrillator as it were.
I want to write but don’t know how to get there.
Booyah! I wish I knew yah but can’t find yah in the crap. I don’t know why I can’t write.
The answer is hard to find in a pile of guano, also known as crap brain.
How do you get rid of crap brain?
Crap Brain Specialist on Craigslist?
Sure, if you want to meet a creep that will snuff you out like a dying ember on a cigarette.
I don’t smoke.
It blackens your lungs like Cajun snapper. Food for thought. Something to digest on a rainy day that stretches into rainy days, etc.
This is spring after all. But seasonally speaking, this year we’re a month behind. Global warming you know. Something about trapped gases in the atmosphere that fucks with Mother Nature’s hormonal levels like PMS.
I don’t understand the concept of global warming, as most folks don’t. I’ll be dead before I get it, probably freeze to death in July.
Global warming sounds boring, doesn’t sound as sexy as tsunami.
Perception is everything in the weather biz.
How do you explain to a nincompoop that every reaction has an opposite affect, as in Newton’s theory, “Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction?”
You push something. It pushes back.
You fuck with Mother Nature. She fucks with you back. That’s how Al Gore should have explained Global Warming to the masses, not with a PowerPoint presentation.
Too many numbers to absorb in one tiny brain, especially a brain like mine that has an aversion to math, which incidentally is a four-letter word.
A brain is like a sponge. Add too many thoughts and it can’t absorb all the information. Try the sponge experiment at home.
The sponge is your brain, the floating cesspool in the sink are your thoughts. Drop your brain, er, sponge in the sink and watch it soak up some of the sewage.
However, you’ll soon discover that many more sponge dips are needed to soak up all of the crap, unless you have hundreds of sponges.
The same is not true of the brain. You’ve only got one of those and many folks never get the opportunity to use it.
Just turn on Fox and Friends or CNN. The news has become what the film, “Network,” had satirized in the 70s.
And like the producers of “Network,” God and Mother Nature also enjoy a good laugh in their collaborative effort to mess with Plasticine TV meteorologists.
God and Mother Nature often exchange late night chuckles while roasting marshmallows in a burning tree during a forest fire, started by lightning, the Supreme BIC Lighter, a result of Bizarro world weather tormenting our dip-shit planet.
Maybe that’s the answer.—Dip it in shit. Done that. Been there. Won the t-shirt in a shit storm – the ultimate wet t-shirt contest.