Canadians Blamed for Blast of Frigid Air or is that Frigidaire?


CANADA – A Country That Thinks it’s Above US.

An unnamed source in my head has credible intelligence suggesting that Canada is behind the recent blast of frigid air that has slammed the northern section of the United States.

To purge itself of freezing temperatures, Canada, reportedly, conspired with El Niño, La Niña and Mother Nature, or Madre Naturaleza, to blast a polar air mass across the Alaskan border into U.S. airspace. Just days after an arctic air outbreak forced the closure of several Canadian schools now under quarantine.

Photographic evidence obtained through a complex channel of Alberta mules, not donkeys, but likely asses, smuggled pictures into the U.S. by ingesting condoms filled with USB drives, and washing them down with Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey.

Actually, I just right clicked and downloaded the pictures from the suspected Canadian cheese extremist website; We Work for Cheese; my right brain believes is behind the polar air mass that’s freezing bird baths and drinking fountains throughout the northeast.

One of the suspected masterminds behind the arctic incursion, Canadian blogger, Mike, a.k.a. Gouda, a notorious fondue radical with links to a Gruyère splinter group, is also a renowned snow photorologist, a combination photographer and meteorologist, recently snapped a picture of a Canadian street with his bare hands, while under a siege of snow.

I cite Exhibit A, B, C and D, photographic evidence that clearly illustrates the state of the Canadian landscape before and after the heinous blast of arctic air.


Before Arctic Air Incursion

deep-snow-rachel-montreal-2012 Mike-We Work for Cheese


After Arctic Air Incursion

Exhibit B


 Note the lack of snow and extensive golden leafy debris.


The other suspected arctic blast mastermind, Canadian Blogger, Nicky, a.k.a. Brie, shot this picture before shipping the Frigidaire to the U.S. via  express same day service, aided by Canadian Customs.


Before Arctic Air Incursion

Exhibit C

Nicky's house

Nicky’s house – Snow


After Arctic Air Incursion

Exhibit D


 Note the lack of white polar droppings and abundance of burgeoning colors. 


Sources close to the investigation told my internal voices that authorities are actively pursuing the two Canadian bloggers, as well as El Niño, La Niña, Mother Nature and a slice of Canadian bacon.

So, please join me in my pursuit of the Canadians that are responsible for this egregious polar air blast.




I’m participating in Silly Sunday. Silly Sunday is hosted by Rhonda of Laugh-Quotes.



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30 Comments Canadians Blamed for Blast of Frigid Air or is that Frigidaire?

  1. Nicky

    I need to thank you right away for calling us a jihadist Canadian website. And the reason I need to thank you right away is because I won’t be able thank you once Homeland Security gets here and starts water boarding us. You’re the best, Lauren. 🙂

    1. Lauren

      Ah, shit! Now I’ve done it. Maybe I better change the wording. I did clearly indicate “satire” but since Intellgence Agency is an oxymoron, I probably should make the change. On a positive note, it is too cold for water boarding.

  2. injaynesworld

    BAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is damn genius. I think they sent their hideous frreeze out here to California, knowing how easily we will divulge anything once the temperate drops below 70. And I love South Park.

  3. Rhonda

    This is hilarious. I can’t believe I wasn’t following you before today. Thanks for linking up, and sorry you are cold. Here in NZ, it is summer 🙂 Just rubbing it in.

    1. Lauren

      Thank you, Rhonda.

      Yes, enjoy your summer weather while our bright red noses help us navigate the cold dark streets at night. Oh, that’s Rudolph. But, still!

  4. June O'Hara

    It’s their fault! It’s their fault! I always knew it subconsciously, but suppressed it for fear I’d resent Canadians, a few of which I’m rather fond. (I’ve been stalking Nicky on FB.) But now, I’m joining you in your outrage. It’s their fault! It’s their fault!

  5. stevebethere

    LOL brilliant so now I know who is to blame for the latest ice blast here in the UK.

    Might as well seems to be the in thing our government blame literally everything on anyone but themselves LOL

    Have a snowlicious week and remember, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do 😉

    1. Lauren

      If you’re going to blame someone, you might as well blame Canada. They’re up there on their own doing God knows what. Perfect scapegoat. You, too. Have a snowlicioius week. I think we’re getting ice today. Booyah!

  6. ReformingGeek

    Sigh. Somehow I always knew those pigeons……penguins up north had something to do with it.


    Oh, no penguins?

    Oh, well.

    Somehow I knew all those Great White Sharks had something to do with it.


    Oh geez. I give.

    Let’s start a campaign to send it back to them.

  7. Rob-bear

    This Canadian Bear is not amused. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to hibernate when the temperature get down to -45°C (-49°F)? I need a wool blanket to stay comfortable (which I forgot to bring with me to my winter den).

    If we Bears cannot stand it this cold, why would we want to inflict this on anyone else?

    You people have missed the obvious; it’s the Russians!


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