Ninny Poop Head!

Yesterday, at five o’clock, my brain melted after a two-hour phone conversation with a QuickBooks ProAdvisor.

Gurgle! Sploosh!

She hijacked my desktop, remotely, and then commandeered my mouse.

The medium Eva Carrière with a light manifesta...

The medium Eva Carrière with a light manifestation between her hands and a materialization on her head. Carrière also performed under the names Eva C. and Marthe Béraud. Photograph taken in 1912 by German photographer Albert von Schrenck-Notzing (1862 – 1929). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Several windows opened and closed.

The cursor sped across the screen, telekinetically, and then screeched to a stop at the taskbar.

“Just press this!”  the ProAdvisor ordered.


WTF happened? The window disappeared. I think I just witnessed QuickBooks Armageddon.

The application quit when the locusts swarmed. Loser! So, what? It’s just a little buggy.

I shifted my chair into reverse, rolled backwards and braked.

Much safer here by the brimstone and fire.

In the name of the Lord, I renounce myself of QuickBooks.

It’s your mouse now. Feed it twice a day and give it plenty of water.

Now, click amongst yourselves.

If you need me, I’ll be over here doing my carpal tunnel exercises, bending and stretching my wrists, whilst you and QuickBooks consummate your relationship.

Be sure to remove the “Do Not Disturb” sign as soon as you’re done.

By that time, I’ll have roasted a bag of marshmallows and a bushel of brain cells.

Just send me the bill and I’ll send you the obituary.

At 5 p.m., Lauren’s brain died in the line of duty.  R.I.P. cognitive function.

Bilden är tagen 8 maj 1912 av Baron von Schren...

Bilden är tagen 8 maj 1912 av Baron von Schrenck-Notzing (1862-1929) och föreställer mediet Eva Carrière som frammanar ett ansikte av ektoplasma. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How’s your noggin?

Enhanced by Zemanta

15 Comments Ninny Poop Head!

  1. Pingback: Lauren Salkin

  2. ReformingGeek

    Whoa! My noggin’ turned all the way around three times reading this.

    **projectile vomits**

    I’m feeling much better now.

    RIP, Coggie.

  3. Nicky

    I am so sorry for your loss. It seems like only yesterday I lost my own brain. Mind you, since I lost it, I can’t really keep track of anything so it might actually have been yesterday since I lost it. In any case, I do miss my cognitive abilities, even though we were never all that close. My thoughts are with you during this trying time. Or they would be, you know, if I hadn’t lost them.

    1. Lauren

      Thank you. Your kind remarks on this dark day, which might be night. Your words help the healing process – if I could only remember for what.

      I hope you find your brain. Have you checked under the couch? Maybe, you and your cognitive issues should see a frontal lobe therapist. I hear they are quite helpful when the sensory brainiacs get involved.

  4. June O'Hara

    I’m avoiding settling up my blog on Tumbler, which also entails installing google analytics to track views.
    You KNOW how this is gonna be.
    I’m off to click among myself.
    Consummate that.

  5. BritB

    This post gave me deja vu. Glad that I can relate..Sad that it has to be over software woes! Love the humor of your blog. So witty!

  6. Comedy Plus

    Bwahahahahahahaha. I’ve done this more than once. Everything will return to normal at some point. When? I don’t have a clue.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂

  7. Loyd

    hi!,I love your writing so a lot! proportion we keep up a correspondence extra approximately your article on AOL?
    I need a specialist in this area to resolve my problem.
    Maybe that’s you! Having a look ahead to peer you.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.