The Widowed Sock Foundation

Helping Widowed Socks Get Back On Their Feet Again!

Sock_puppet (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every ten seconds, a sock spouse experiences a devastating loss, a pair torn apart by a loved one missing or maimed, worn-out from too many hikes in the woods or spins in the dryer.

Their remains tossed in the linen closet to be used as rags, or worse, sock puppets for kids.

The Widowed Sock Foundation (WSF) helps sock spouses move forward with their lives, one step at a time.

Our certified caregivers help socks regain their self-confidence and stride while easing them back into the sock rotation at their own pace.

After a loss of a spouse, many widowed socks cling to the hope of seeing a loved one again, only to have their dreams shredded every time they’re lumped together with other single socks in the drawer.

Their lives become unraveled; their nerves frayed. Many shrink from society, lose their vibrancy and lead static lives. Many will never leave the drawer.

At the Widowed Sock Foundation, we employ caring, strong-minded people who always stand their ground and never pussyfoot around. Our caregivers take on every assignment with enthusiasm and grace, heart and sole, and always jump in with both feet.

Our caregivers, along with our proven twelve-step program, have changed countless socks’ lives.

English: A photograph of a sock puppet made by me.

“Thank you Widowed Sock Foundation!”

Every WSF caregiver has a doctorate in argyle and is an expert in sock psychosis. Only after passing a rigorous curriculum on “The Facts and Fallacies of Footwear Fatalities,” is a caregiver allowed into the field to consult with a sock.

For our caregivers, it’s gratifying to see a sock’s resilience as it stretches its limits, recovers its footing and mends the gap in the fabric that ripped it apart. Once a recluse in the drawer, now a single sock can enjoy playing footsies and mixing it up with other garments.

We, at the Widowed Sock Foundation, are proud of our caregiver’s service. Every day, they continue to make a difference in homes and laundromats, campus laundry rooms and frat houses, preventing widowed socks from taking a suicide spin in the dryer.

Caregiver joins her striking caregivers

Caregiver joins her striking caregivers (Photo credit: Simon Oosterman)

We, at the Widowed Sock Foundation, implore you to help us in our efforts to support widowed socks get back their standing in the community and leave a positive footprint on society. By donating one sock, you can stop needless suffering and make a single sock a pair again.

For more breaking sock news, visit The SNEE, the sometimes, eventual, express.

  • National Lost Sock Memorial Day(

16 Comments The Widowed Sock Foundation

  1. Pingback: Lauren Salkin

  2. ReformingGeek

    “lead static lives” – Love it!

    Those poor socks though it’s good to know they are well cared for and have hope for a new mate. 

    Sock puppet.  Terrifying.


  3. Juneohara65

    I love this piece! Clever throughout! Our certified caregivers help socks regain their self-confidence and stride, while easing them back into the sock rotation, at their own pace. Shrink from society and lead static lives. Truly brilliant, all of it.  

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  6. Jayne

    “Every WSF caregiver has a doctorate in argyle and is an expert in sock psychosis.”   Sock psychosis?   Where do you come up with this stuff?   I love how you can get so “out there” with some of these posts.   I wish I had more of an imagination like yours.  Truly a fun, creative piece.  🙂

  7. Britton Minor

    Hello, I am from the EOSSF (Equal Opportunity Single Sock Foundation), and I mean you no disrespect, but not all single socks are widowed. A decent percentage of us choose to be separated from an unsuitable or particularly static-filled union; not very surprising given the arranged nature of the deal. Many of us, given the harrowing ordeal of fleeing such marriages, barely escape without unraveling. Don’t even get me started on the gaping holes such an undertaking can leave. And despite our eventual freedom, we are always left with deep insecurities; a constant feeling of being walked on. Nevertheless, we are happy to be free and single socks

    I appreciate your post, and thank you in advance for your kind yet heretofore unenlightened ear.

    1. Lauren

      My deepest apologies. I really should have put myself in your shoes and not assumed that all single socks were widowed. I suppose there are many abused socks in relationships with heels. I applaud them for standing their ground and kicking their spouses to the curb.

      You are hilarious!

  8. Pingback: Jayne Martin

  9. Comedy Plus

    You’re socks are strange Lauren. I’m just saying.

    Have a terrific Silly Sunday and happy July. 🙂

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