Day 28 Prompt: “The Turning Point.” Two more days left of 30 Days of Writing, hosted by Nicky and Mike at We Work for Cheese. Please stop by the We Work for Cheese Emporium to link up or read other inmate posts.
The Giant Fork in the Road
“Ah, the turning point,” said Gladys GPS, “The proverbial fork in the road that has impaled many unsuspecting travelers before you. But you can avoid fork fate, and being skewered by giant cutlery, by following a three-pronged-approach to highway travel.
Prong 1 – A giant always has the right of way
When stopped at a colossal fork in the road, it is imperative to close any open sunroofs or convertible tops. Then, a giant can’t yank you out of the driver’s seat and stuff you in his goody bag.
Most giants travel the countryside, along stretches of deserted road, in search of people snacks for Soylent Green barbecues. A happy time for giants, when they get together with distant relatives from the Land of the Giants, as well as monolithic pets from popular “B” movies.
At giant gatherings, King Kong and Godzilla often enjoy playing fetch with 727s and tractor trailer trucks. In the distance, a human might hear a giant yell, “Fetch Zilla, fetch.”
Giant families congregate in condemned caverns where they swap recipes and body parts then hand out goody bags when it’s time to leave.
Prong 2 – Not a photo op
Never leave your car to take a picture of a fork in the road. Giants have an acute sense of smell. They can smell the blood of an Englishman with their “Fee-fi-fo-fum” sonar and also hear a pitchfork drop.
If you should reach a fork in the road, continue traveling left or right, depending upon your political affiliation. Giants don’t participate in the political process or vote since they can’t read the tiny print on the ballots. This agitates them. For that reason, it is advisable to avoid discussing politics with a giant, as he will crush you with his Goliath intellect and Parthenon sized shoes.
Prong 3 – Never climb a fork in the road
Besides the obvious downside of shimmying up a spike, once a giant spots a human wedged between two prongs, its salivary glands gush from the anticipation of a roadside snack or bob kabob. After all, one man’s misfortune is another gargantuan’s opportunity.
So, be street smart when you travel, and you won’t end up lost in the bile of a giant’s intestinal tract.
“Besides the obvious downside of shimmying up a spike, once
a giant spots a human wedged between two prongs, its salivary glands
gush from the anticipation of a roadside snack or bob kabob.” My favorite part of all!!!
Thanks Katherine.
It’s amazing what I can write when I’m off my meds. I’m ADD and take Concerta, time release Ritalin. It wears off by the end of the afternoon.
I think I could kick the crap out of a giant if I got out of the car at a fork in the road. I’d be packing a crowbar! 😀
After camel tipping, I think giant kicking is on the agenda. That’s why it’s always a good idea to keep a crowbar on the passenger seat of a car unless there’s a passenger. But then they’d be responsible for managing the crowbar like a passenger on a plane in charge of opening the exit door in an emergency. How often does that happen? The door is probably blown to smithereens anyway.
Pingback: Lauren Salkin
Wait, which way to Independents go? What about Moderates? I think there might end up being a traffic jam at the fork in the road, which is unfortunate because I hear giants always pack bread and peanut butter with them, for just such occasions.
Lauren, I absolutely love the way your mind works.
Thanks Nicky.
LOL! This is the very reason Independents and Moderates should choose one direction or the other – fork in the road traffic jams. The giants probably trap them with peanut butter. It must be uncomfortable to have a human stuck to the roof of your mouth.
Pingback: Karen Woodham
I think it’s safe to say that this is creative writing 🙂 I suppose it’s too much to hope for, that it would be the Jolly Green Giant?
I don’t think there’s anything jolly about this giant.