Barking Up the Far Right Tree in Straw Poll, Iowa
With a purebred to mutt ratio of 2 to 1, the recent Iowa vote reflected the views of the majority of Straw Poll voters, the Bulldogs and Hounds.
When asked if Dog belonged in politics, Harry Hound bayed, “Buuuuuuuuut of course, who better to keep the American mutt in a pack-speak mentality than an Alpha Dog. Society is more orderly with Dog in charge.”
The others in the crowd agreed, wagging their tails in unison while peeing on a portion of lawn fashioned after the Constitution.
Harry Hound added. “It says right here on the grass, written in poo, ‘In Dog We Trust.’”
“Isn’t it true that you’re dyslexic,” Rabid Reporter said.
“We’ll leave that decision to the citizens of this taerg country.”
Mutt onlookers sat watching from the gallery, with ears pinned back, tails stuck between their legs; they started to howl, “Owwwwwt! Kick the bitches Owwwwwt!”
The Mutts panted nervously, as Maggie Three Breeds nosed her way through the crowd and nudged Rabid Reporter’s hand.
“I’d like to make a statement,” Maggie said, hocked up a grass loogie and continued. “Every family unit is a pack with its own Dog in charge. Putting the pack and Dog into politics is a dangerous precedent,” she warned.
“Then, the Buck doesn’t stop here. The Buck stops by the banks where the only cash flows and gets mauled by Paper Pusher Predators that corral all the Bucks and Does. No, Dog does not belong in politics. Dog belongs in the home with the family pack.”
Happy barking echoed from the Mutt gallery crowd.
“And out!” Rabid Reporter said, then followed Harry Hound’s scent to the staging area that reeked of expensive pee. “Would you like to respond to what Maggie Three Breeds said?”
After Harry Hound finished licking his balls, he turned to address the purebred elite.
“Dog rules. Mutts drool,” Harry shouted. “Without Dog in politics, all the mutts would run free, muddying the culture of our purebred theocracy. Long live Dog. In Dog We Trust!”
After the howling subsided, the Dog handlers grabbed the voters and shoved them into their pens.
“It’s better if they think that they’re in charge,” Big Biz said, and lugged the purebreds to the next stop on the low road of the Dog and Ponzi show.