A Sordid Affair.
Earlier today, news of an alleged tryst between P&G Swiffer and a Playboy Dust Bunny shook the household cleaning category.
Right wing activist, Mr. Clean, broke the story following several eyewitness accounts alleging that P&G Swiffer and Dust Bunny were seen clinging to each other in the back of a Hollywood bar while hanging out with a group of retro mop-top hipsters. Neither Swiffer nor Dust Bunny could be reached for comment.
The two eyewitnesses who asked to remain anonymous, are known only by the pseudonym Gail and Frank WTF Are They, said they spotted the torrid twosome at the Downtown Muck Club swapping allergen deposits while polishing off Lysol cocktails.
According to several unnamed sources in highbrow janitorial circles, the sordid affair began last fall shortly after Dust Bunny was seen fleeing the Playboy Mansion following a brush with Hefner’s broom.
The nature of the argument is not known. However, a reporter from the Los Angeles Spectacle confirmed that the broom was picked up for questioning and then later released because of a lack of dirt on him.
Lynn Lint, a Dust Bunny friend and confidante, told Mr. Clean that “Dusty” met Swiffer at the Downtown Muck Club on Hollywood Boulevard the night of the skirmish with Hefner’s broom after hitching a ride on a Prada shoe.
Ms Lint acknowledged speculations that despite their inherent differences, Dusty and Swiffer have been inseparable since first meeting at the Hollywood Club.
Swiffer’s publicist Loose Lips Leta refused to comment because her lips were stapled together by a disgruntled employee who assaulted her with a Swingline Stapler. Since the altercation, Leta has been tight-lipped about the incident, as well as the Swiffer/Dust Bunny affair.
When Hugh Hefner was asked about the scandal while leaving a Beverly Hills cryogenic lab, his head suddenly melted and was replaced by a marital aid that vibrated whenever he talked. Hefner’s comments could not be recorded since there were no English-Vibrator interpreters on hand at the time.
Lynn Lint recently confirmed rumors that Swiffer and Dust Bunny had rented a bungalow in Costa Rica to “clear things up between them” after a highly publicized spat in which Swiffer called Dust Bunny ”a piece of crap smut whore” when he saw her latching onto a buff mop in the bedroom aisle of a chic cleaning supply store.
Offers are pouring in from Hollywood studios to turn the affair into a movie but Loose Lips Leta was unavailable to confirm or deny the reports since she was in surgery having her stomach stapled and the staples in her lips removed.