My Handbag: An Over the Shoulder Dumpster for My Crap.


Consumable Goods: 

6 Promo Samples of Melon Bubble Gum  

1 roll of Mentos

4 Granola Bars. 

They look like this
 (but fully clothed)  

A Image via Wikipedia 

Anti-Diarrheal Pills
(after ingesting all the above) 

Food-Related Items:

(twice removed)

 3 Spoons

4 DayQuil LiquiCaps

$1.94 in change from McDonald’s

A Hairbrush

(fast food means windy tables)

 A Wallet

(cowhide, a source of protein and shoe wear)

 3 Pens and 1 Pencil

 (for doodling on dull dining guests)

 Note: There are 2 pens, 8 pencils and 

other unidentified fixed objects in the below picture.

Pens PencilsImage via Wikipedia
(I was too lazy to photograph my own pens, pencils, and UFOs) 

Ocular Items:

(a/k/a crap for the eyes) 

Visine for Contacts.

Blink Gel Tears for contacts.
ReNu Rewetting Drops for contacts. 

(Yes, I wear contacts and I’m OCD)

 Visine not for contacts. 
(I love a great twist) 

Cosmetically-Correct Items:

 Sunglasses for protecting my contacts. 

(they can melt in the sun) 

Assorted makeup when I want to have fancy eyes. 

(batting eyelashes) 

Sniff. Sniff.  

As we say goodbye to the eyes

and head down south to the mouth, or Chew Town,
 you will notice slight turbulence.

My mouth is grinding its teeth in impatient. 

Okay. Now, it’s your turn! 

Oral Accessories: 

(to feed my mouth’s ego)

A Voice Recorder

(so I don’t look crazy when talking to myself in the car)

Cell Phone 

(imprisoned for exceeding minutes) 

Lipstick and Lipgloss

(caught smearing my lips)

A Dental Doggie Bag w/
Dental Floss
and Sidekicks
Toothbrush and Toothpaste 

I know what you’re thinking. 

Not really. 

Stuffing my handbag with junk makes me a junkie,

 or a junk whore, or worse, a whoreder. 

Let’s just say I like to stock up on non-essentials items,

excluding the hairbrush, sordid makeup trappings, 
contact lens ensemble, and dental accoutrements.

 What’s in your handbag or man purse?

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21 Comments My Handbag: An Over the Shoulder Dumpster for My Crap.


    Hi Lauren,
    What's with the anonymous concrete comment-hahaha (get it?). I confess that I am a whoreder too, but my problem extends from my purse onto my automobile's floor. I think that's why my car drives me crazy! I really love reading your blog!

  2. Lauren

    Hi Greg: LOL! Maybe she's a distant relative. I've since cleaned out my handbag after the contents spilled onto the floor at work with the Dental Goody bag fully exposed, now an indentured servant of the office.

  3. Lauren

    Snee: The concrete spam was a victim of the delete wrecking ball. Damn spam. I confess. I didn't get the spam concrete reference. Maybe I haven't had enough caffeine yet to jump start my brain.

    So, your car extracts the contents from your purse. Bad car. Cars should see a shrink. Thanks so much!!!

  4. ReformingGeek

    Sorry about the dry eyes. 😉

    – 3 sets of keys (house, car, neighbor's)
    – sunglasses
    – reading glasses (Sigh)
    – 1 Kleenex, clean
    – a healthy yet heavy wallet, filled with silver protein
    – cellphone
    – a couple of business cards
    – one pen
    – mirror
    – lipstick
    – chapstick
    – no food

  5. Sandee

    Wow, that's a lot of stuff. I so loved purses until the criminals took that love away. They started doing strong armed robberies, so I don't carry a purse anymore. Too bad too. Now I just carry pepper spray and my gun.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂

  6. Lauren

    Sandee: That's really scary and is horrible. Though, pepper spray and a gun would be considerably lighter to carry around than a purse.

  7. Ivy

    Whoreder! I love it!!

    What's in my purse? Well, I'm too lazy to actually go look, but I can summarize. I use my purse as a laptop case, so usually there is a laptop in it (although right now it isn't there, you know because I'm reading your blog). But the silver sleeve is in there. Let's see jump drive with keys to the church attached to a ribbon from Chucky Cheese, assorted matchbox cars and trucks, wallet, mouse (usb computer mouse, not a real one… couldn't get him to stay in the zipper compartment), lipstick, sunglasses and probably some random receipts from Lord-Knows-Where (new town hot spot). 🙂

  8. "Annie"

    I was laughing through this entire post,(I hope my mouth doesn't get stuck this way. Hmmm) but I especially love this,

    "A Voice Recorder
    (so I don't look crazy when talking to myself in the car)"

    I used to use my son's plastic toy phone in the car, just to make him laugh, and to scare other drivers…

    Excellent post~


  9. Lauren

    A plastic toy phone is a great idea, but then other drivers will know that I AM crazy instead of just contemplating the possibility in blissful wonderment for a split second in their day.

    Glad you enjoyed the post!!! Thanks!!!

  10. Katherine

    I have the typical woman's products, gum at the bottom that fell out of the wrapper (yes, I have been known to scrape the junk off of it and CHEW it in a dire situation), I have a BAD ASS HUNTING KNIFE (I am only using that language because that is honestly what it is) that someone gave me (I will shoot my eye out) and the best thing… my favorite… a ripped up old sandwhich baggie with some special rocks from the beach house… I carry my summer everywhere!

  11. Lauren

    Katherine: Hahaha! I love your summer goody bag. But I have to say that the hunting knife is scary and bulkier than a brush, which is a granola bar blocker. When I reach for a snack on the drive home from work, I get a fistful of bristles.

  12. Snuggle Wasteland

    My purse is filled with grocery receipts, coupons, pens, tissues, and lipgloss. Yet, I can't find any of these things if/when I need them.

    I've been thinking about getting a voice recorder as I seem to get lots of ideas when driving.

  13. Lauren

    Tracie: LOL! I can't find anything either. Got to love the voice recorder. They're not too expensive. I think I paid around $30 for mine.


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