Image via Wikipedia
Earlier today, a Washington think tank known as The Smart Ass Association, issued a statement that it would be voluntarily recalling 170 million eggheads due to laboratory confirmed cases of the Ignaramous Stupidous virus associated with some of the eggheads.
The Smart Ass Association said that the eggheads included in the recall had been working as interns for Rick Santorum, Dick Armey, and Harry Reid, as well as BP and several undisclosed Wall Street firms currently under investigation.
When questioned by reporters about the slow response in contacting the infected eggheads, a spokesperson for The Smart Ass Association said, “Okay. So, it was my fault. I admit it. I deleted the email. I thought it was infected with a virus. What’s another day or two in the scheme of things? At least we didn’t have to locate 170 million eggs.”
At this time, scientists are not certain how many people have been infected by the Ignaramous Stupidous virus. Fred Syphilis, of the CFND (Center for Funny Named Diseases) speculated that “The virus could affect as many as 1.5 billion people.”
Dr. Syphilis continued, “So far we know that 3,000 people have been infected by the virus,” he said and then added this startling revelation. “In the final stages of the disease, a victim will sit for days on a couch while staring blankly at a TV screen watching reruns of America’s Got Talent and the Glenn Beck Show.”
Dr. Syphilis warned, “It’s best to catch this disease early on. If you or a loved one begins exhibiting any of the following symptoms, immediately go to the nearest emergency room. Early symptoms include making up words like “refudiate”and comparing yourself to William Shakespeare, making plans to build a mosque near ground zero, or making comments, like
“I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.”
– George W. Bush – presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004.
Health officials said that the Ignaramous Stupidous outbreak started in May after about 2,000 cases of stupidity were reported and could continue for months even years.
The CFND recommends that eggheads stay away from television sets, as well as the Internets and read classic novels like Moby Dick, Crime and Punishment, or A Tale of Two Cities to avoid contracting the Ignaramous Stupidous virus.
In closing Dr. Syphilis said, “If we aren’t successful in recalling all the infected eggheads, we may see millions of cases of stupidity for generations to come.”