Browsing the Job Market Shelves

While searching for jobs on,, or, I always stumble upon job descriptions with spelling mistakes or over-the-top requirements. So, I’ve compiled a list of those jobs and have categorized them by market.


Agency Account Executive for Stand-up Comedian

  • Boutique agency and marketing services firm is lost without you. Well, not really. It just seems that way. Ha!
  • great creative instincts (perhaps even a creative background)ROFLMAO!
  • Responsibilities range from helping to prepare client presentations, to managing projects, to working with vendors, to washing windows (OK, no window washing – unless that’s your thing).  Stop it! Stop it! You’re killing me.
  • A college degree is mandatory, preferably from a highly-regarded schoolBWAHAHA!
  • Salary and benefits are competitive and a bonus, based on performance, may make the total compensation package beyond competitive – Beyond competitive … OMG! Hilarious.
  • Tell us why you’re the best candidate for this job and … maybe it will be yours. – I just peed myself laughing.

Superheros Wanted!!! (Account Executive)

  • Welcome! Currently searching for a few select self motivated superheroes, pirates and the occasional villain to join our elite team.    
  • All superheroes ARE self motivated unless you include Popeye.  Someone always had to shove a can of spinach down Popeye’s throat before he would save Olive Oyl.  As far as pirates and villains are concerned, pirates have peg legs and wear a patch over one eye, and villains have thick handlebar mustaches. Do you really want to project that image?   

Wanted: Personal Assistant Part Time

  • Must have above average SALES and NEGOTIATING skills Can you buy a cow with a bushel of corn?   

  • Must also have your own laptop and Internet service in your own home. – I do, but what about you?


    • PT RECEPTIONIST – INTERVIEWING TODAY!** – Tomorrow, you’ll be shit out of luck. 
    • IMMEDIATE HIRE – Too late! You missed it!
    • NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY AS WE WILL TRAIN YOU – We’re experts in mind control.

    SPECIALTY EMPLOYERS  In Store Demonstrator

    • Food Demonstrators should have the ability and desire to create an exciting, warm, fun, and friendly shopping environment. Must be familiar with food. 

    Tennis Anyone??  

    • Needed: A part-time front desk manager to work evenings and weekends at a busy tennis club. Must speak english.   

    • Once you understand the meaning of these words, start reading them aloud. Congratulations! You are now speaking English and are qualified for this job; however, the employer is not, as the word English should always be capitalized.  

      Heathcare Order Processing – For Damaged Heath Candy Bars?

      • If you are energetic, career-driven, and motivated to provide a high level of customer service in a team-based environment, then we want to hear from you! Otherwise, we do not.
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      6 Comments Browsing the Job Market Shelves

      1. Mrsblogalot

        I think you have the perfect job…making us laugh with all of these ads!

        Now we just need to get someone to pay you for it (-:

      2. Tracie

        Have you looked into doing any freelance writing work from home? One of my buddies had a great blog post about it. I'll find the link and e-mail it to you.

      3. Glen

        Luckily my current mustache is large and well groomed, I also have a squint and a tendency to tell people my master plan in full before leaving them in, tricky but not impossible to escape from, slowly sinking boats. I believe that makes me beyond competitive for the villains role.

      4. Lauren

        Mrs. B: Thanks. I'm so glad that you thought this was funny. One out of two ain't bad.

        Tracie: I am doing freelance writing for several people. But it's not enough money to pay for a trip to Disneyland.

        Glen: What happened to the other "n"? Sounds like you'd get the job. Maybe you should change your name to Captain Glen.


        Ha you must be looking at the same job listings as I have. I LOVE the first one and would sure like to apply to that one, it sounds like it's right up my alley.

        Always keep that great sense of humor, you're AWESOME!!!!


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