While I tossed items from the cart onto the conveyor belt, I listened to Cara Cashier ring them up.
“Sorry about your corns,” says Cara.
I glance to my right and see Cara holding a slim yellow package of Dr. Scholl’s corn removers.
“Girl, I know all about corns.”
Are you a friggin disciple of Dr. Scholl?
“Yes, they suck.” I reply.
“Had my share of them while earning my doctorate in cashology…”
You must have studied above Professor Buttinsky.
“…And being on my feet all day.”
An unlikely feat with one foot always stuck in your mouth.
I hand her a cat food coupon.
“I see you have a cat.”
I enjoy eating cheap pâté.
“Yes, I do,” I say.
“My cat is smart and works for a living. He gets paid a dollar for every mouse he catches.”
“My cat is smart and is a freeloader.”
“I can see your cat coming in here with a coupon,” Cara says.
Time for a visit to the opthamologist.
Suddenly, another cashier speaks out. “Hey Cara. Do you think Mario will make the announcement soon?”
Announcement? Is it shove the cashier’s head in the register day?
“Hey Mario!” Screams Miss Foot in the mouth. “Is it time to make the announcement?”
Behind the help desk, Mario smiles, picks up the microphone, taps it several times, and says, “The supermarket will be closing in thirty-minutes.”
Blue-haired shoppers panic. Carts collide. Lobsters snap rubber bands and attack counter clerks.
Cashiers snap open beer cans.
As Cara hands me my card, she yells, “Take care of those corns now.”
Everyone turns to look at me. I cover my head with a recyclable shopping bag, smash my cart through an aisle-block at the door, and escape, hobbling away, at breakneck-speed, with my bags of groceries and one slim yellow package of Dr. Scholl’s corn removers.