WTF Did the Cashier Say Now?

Register is ClosedImage by sgroi via Flickr

The female cashier at the Stop and Shop had a voice like Bea Arthur and a body like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I got a nosebleed just looking up at her.


While I tossed items from the cart onto the conveyor belt, I listened to Cara Cashier ring them up.

“Sorry about your corns,” says Cara.

I glance to my right and see Cara holding a slim yellow package of Dr. Scholl’s corn removers.

“Girl, I know all about corns.”

Are you a friggin disciple of Dr. Scholl?

“Yes, they suck.” I reply.

“Had my share of them while earning my doctorate in cashology…”

You must have studied above Professor Buttinsky.

 “…And being on my feet all day.”

An unlikely feat with one foot always stuck in your mouth.

I hand her a cat food coupon.

“I see you have a cat.”

I enjoy eating cheap pâté.

“Yes, I do,” I say.

“My cat is smart and works for a living. He gets paid a dollar for every mouse he catches.”


“My cat is smart and is a freeloader.”

“I can see your cat coming in here with a coupon,” Cara says.

Time for a visit to the opthamologist.

Suddenly, another cashier speaks out. “Hey Cara. Do you think Mario will make the announcement soon?”

Announcement? Is it shove the cashier’s head in the register day?

“Hey Mario!” Screams Miss Foot in the mouth. “Is it time to make the announcement?”

Behind the help desk, Mario smiles, picks up the microphone, taps it several times, and says, “The supermarket will be closing in thirty-minutes.”

Blue-haired shoppers panic. Carts collide. Lobsters snap rubber bands and attack counter clerks.

Cashiers snap open beer cans.

As Cara hands me my card, she yells, “Take care of those corns now.”

Everyone turns to look at me. I cover my head with a recyclable shopping bag, smash my cart through an aisle-block at the door, and escape, hobbling away, at breakneck-speed, with my bags of groceries and one slim yellow package of Dr. Scholl’s corn removers.

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11 Comments WTF Did the Cashier Say Now?

  1. Mrsblogalot

    HAAAAA!! I love supermarket blue haired lady mayhem!

    ….and prescription drugs run from their caged cubby cells into the needy hands of the over-the-counters…


    If only

  2. ReformingGeek


    Yeah, enjoy your pate.

    Wait. You have supermarkets that close?

    Our supermarket cashiers are either old and grumpy or young and silly and unfortunately, very dull.


  3. Lauren

    Mrs. B: Thank you for your heart felt comments about my corns. Corn never gets the hint to go away.

    Regarding blue hairs, it would be fun to go the supermarket during the height of blue hair shuffle hour and yell – "Free Metamucil in Aisle 1."

    RF: Our market is 8 mins away, if stuck behind old person, 20 mins. Sorry about your crop, er, crap of cashiers.

  4. megaman

    Freeloading cats! Someone needs to do something about the free-loading cats in this world. Our cats have figured out how to stick there furry little paws up into the auto cat feeder to get extra food.

    Free loaders.

    Foot in mouth cashiers never have to worry about corns cause they just chew them off.

    I love your posts,great work! I always have a great laugh here!

  5. Leeuna

    We used to have a local drugstore where the pharmacist would sometimes yell across the store at you and explain things about your medication. Talk about embarrassing…especially if it was for something personal, like for a yeast infection. (Luckily we got a Rite-Aid drugstore before Viagra was invented).

  6. Lauren

    Megaman: Always a pleasure to see you. Thank you. Your kind words are soooo appreciated. I've been in a bit of a funk lately … with corns and all.

    Leeuna: Oh God! Talk about the worst possible embarrassment in the world. Possibly, anyway. I'm sure I've had more.

    Did the clueless pharmacist follow up next time with "How's that yeast infection doing?"

  7. Tracie

    LOL! I know which cashiers to avoid at my local store. I can't stand it when they comment on my purchases.


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