My Lawn is a Toilet.

Ode to doggie extrement


My mutts pee on the lawn killing the grass, er, weeds that proliferate amid all things green, now a paler shade of yellow-green, slipping between the cracks on the brick pathway and inner circles, er, holes of the garden.

Walking the lawn is dangerous to shoe-sole survivors of Doghau concentration camp that was anything but a camp.

Now the poor souls must negotiate their way around poop land mines. Hidden in the grass, they explode upon impact.

Ka-poo! Smushed crap covers my shoe.

I look for a rock between a hard place along the driveway. I find one that has tumbled out of line halfway onto cracked asphalt already infiltrated by weeds. They get into everything. Those weeds of mine — Weeds do the darnedest things!

But at least weeds don’t stick to your shoe like poo.

I scrape the sole against a rock then admire my work — a piece of crap art, a poo Picasso perhaps. Something to admire on a day when I’m feeling down in the dumps.

The odor upsets my nauseous nostrils, sensitive to acrid aromas of pungent poop. My nostrils gag and then spew a sneeze. Relief!

My shoe soles sigh. They live to survive another day in Poo Land.

Is your lawn green or a paler shade of yellow-green?

9 Comments My Lawn is a Toilet.

  1. Ryhen Satch

    Your mutts know how to take care of their territory. Their gift to the soil is something to be thankful for, but cow dung works better. Would you like to have a pet cow?

  2. Mrsblogalot

    I'm happy with any shade of grass.

    Comes from growing up in the city.

    Poop piles can only mean country to us (-:

  3. Mr. Stupid

    My Dog never does anything on our Lawn. Everything happens on my neighbor's lawn. He stares at me every time even though my dog should be blamed.
    Happy 4th of July…:)

  4. Lauren

    Paul: It's gross.

    Ryhen: Methane and Cow pies. I could use the extra income.

    Mrs. B: They're perennial.

    Mr. S: No wonder Mr. Neighbor always keeps an eye on you. Kind of creepy.

  5. Tracie

    My front yard is pretty green. The backyard is always a shade of brown. We have so much shade that the grass has a hard time back there.

  6. Lauren

    Tracie: It breaks my heart whenever I hear that grass is having a hard time. I think it's time to call a grass shrink.


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