Image by mahalie via Flickr
REAL JOBS. DELUSIONAL EMPLOYERS.
Receptionist MUST HAVE 4-YEAR DEGREE!! – Stop Yelling!
YOU MUST HAVE A FOUR YEAR DEGREE TO QUALIFY FOR THIS POSITION. THERE IS NO FLEXIBILITY ON THIS … Okay. I get it.
Again, you MUST have a 4 year degree and you MUST be able to work evenings and weekends to qualify for consideration. You must be a control freak.
There is no flexibility on this. Goddamn it! I understand.
Sadly, we can only respond to resumes that fit these requirements.
From Angry to Sad – Another Manic Episode of Job Grinders. It Ain’t a Sandwich!
PetNurse – Not One of Hef ‘s Bunnies!
Ability to be confident around Pets (i.e., dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, etc.) – What is an etc – a bird, reptile, or something otherworldly?
Domestic Couple Live In (Chef/House Manager) – For the Rich and Ravenous!
Create heart healthy, and modern spa style cuisine for family dinners.
Must be OK with children and pets (no allergies) – Kids or Pets?
Mailroom CoordinatorBO – With BO?
Must have had prior experience. Solid work history a must. Handle all aspects of a busy mailroom. Degree preferred. Impeccable communication skills. Superior work ethic. A doctorate in envelope stuffing is also preferred.
Jack of All Trades Coordinator-bos – Must have Lots of BO and Your Name Must be Jack!
Favorite finance company needs a “jack of all trades” high-energy coordinator. Must be poised, polished, confident, detailed, organized and super flexible to “put out fires”… in this soup to nuts role. Background in firefighting and cooking required!
A four-year college degree reflecting a strong academic background with a minor in binge drinking is preferred. <— Yeah. I did that.