Odd Jobs. Not Oddjob from James Bond.

  • These are actual jobs I found online that I doctored. Can you spot my handiwork? Who am I kidding?  It’s obvious.
    • EXP CARETAKER FT- live out under the stars on a large private estate, like a cowboy or a hobo, but without trains. Landscaping and Maintenance. Must love dirt. Pick up poop for twelve dogs with hearty appetites. High attention to detail.
    • LOCAL SALON seeks exp, reliable licensed hair dresser with machete. Must like Sweeney Todd and meat pies. We’ve got one of those chairs … for bad haircut days. We provide a conscientious, courteous, and DNA free environment.
    • P/T STABLE HELP WANTED – Experienced with Narcissistic Show Horses necessary. They can be such prima donnas. BRRRGH! Thump! Thump!
    • P/T FARM SUPERVISOR caring for horses and cows. Some gardening, a.k.a. hay pitching. Equine exp helpful, i.e., if you’ve ever ridden a pony as a kid. Knowledge of horse shit and cow shit a plus. Just don’t step in it.
    • TREE CLIMBERS – Work with people in high places. Min. 6 mos. tree climbing experience. Must be 12 yrs or older and have a valid driver’s license or a mommy who has one.
    • PORTUGUESE/ENGLISH Interviewer. I can’t make up my mind. Interview customers during Portugal/Brazil hours. Still can’t make up my mind. Hell. I can’t even speak Portuguese.
    • FAMILY seeks summer nanny. Please be a non-smoker, non-drug user, have child care exp with kids, so-so refs, safe transportation, clean license, and no prior record. Spring, fall, and winter nannies need not apply.
    • BUNNY VILLAGE Seeking PT experienced bunny teachers. Must be flexible and available to hop to it M-F. Must be hare by 9 a.m. Rabbit’s foot key chains prohibited. It was never good luck for a rabbit. 
    • DIRECTOR OF CUSTODIAL SERVICES – Can you flush a toilet? Change a roll of toilet paper without the holder shooting across a room? If you enjoy talking dirty, writing smut on a wall, and finding crap in toilets, take the plunge in a rewarding career in Custodial Services. Only those with plumbing exp. or degreed Flushologists need apply.

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      10 Comments Odd Jobs. Not Oddjob from James Bond.

      1. Mr. Stupid

        That picture was fun. Though, I looked at it for a really long time. I officially call that addictive…:)
        BTW, Flushologist? Seriously?

      2. Lauren

        Tracie: I think I would like living under the stars. Though not crazy about picking up poo if there was real poo to pick up if it was a real job. The caretaker job was real and kind of like "The Shining," without the ghosts but with the poo.

      3. Mrsblogalot

        I am all over that part time farm supervisor one! Lol!

        But I'd hate to not be able to use my degree in flushology.

        Tough choice!

      4. Ryhen

        I've never had a weird job and I only see advertisements like these on Thinkspin and when I watch David Letterman. Do you have their phone numbers?

        "SUPERVISOR caring for horses and cows." – I only have knowledge of people shit, but I'd really like to apply.

      5. Lauren

        Yes, Ryhen, I do have their phone numbers, but I didn't want to post them for obvious reasons. I didn't want to give away my leads. Also, Letterman is such a copycat.


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