Office Noir: Grim and Grimmer.

Photograph of Women Working at a Bell System T...Image by The U.S. National Archives via Flickr

I’m so busy answering phones I don’t have time to complain. I’m not happy unless I complain.

I have to let the outsiders know that I’m a martyr. But, it’s too easy to use the front door. There’s got to be another way out of here.

There is no other way out.

The window. I can jump out the window. I might break a leg or get a concussion.

Secrets of the Floating World

It’s too far a drop, although it is lovely outside, but the deer leave Bambi droppings on the grass.

Who cares about Bambi droppings? I just need to let everyone know how important I am.

Maybe the window is the way to go. Breaking a leg would prevent you from answering the phones and speaking to nasty pungent people, as odious as sweat-ripened sneakers on a summer’s day. But then again, it’s my turn to complain more . . .

But you don’t have to answer the phones and speak to the vocally oppressive like I do. The phones keep me from seeing the light of day, except for the window . . . I can jump out the window.

No. You’d just break your leg and complain about your injuries. I can’t have that. I need to be the top dog bitching around here.

I’d never get in the way of that. I’ll only complain on Monday’s and Wednesday’s. You’ve got the other three days and skeleton crew holidays. You’re my bitch. You always will be.

I wrote this a month ago while still employed. Grim and Grimmer were the nicknames I had for two women in the office where I worked. Having a private joke is a great way to stay sane and make it through a work week. Do you have any nicknames for co-workers? Do you work with people with monochrome personalities?

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10 Comments Office Noir: Grim and Grimmer.

  1. JD at I Do Things

    I think you could do a whole series on "Grim and Grimmer." They sound like a hoot. In a depressing way.

  2. Ryhen

    I wrote this a month ago while still employed. – Hmm… did I miss something? What do you mean "while still employed?" Sorry if I've been out of touch. Been sharing jokes with the grim reaper myself. nyahaha

  3. Lauren

    Ryhen: Jobless – false reason: I missed being poor and having too much time on my hands.

    True reason: The position I was hired for was phased out, and instead they decided they needed someone stronger answering phones. I can't open the tops on jars.

    How is GR?

  4. ReformingGeek

    That sounds like a job that won't be missed!

    Co-workers. Hum….I think I'd better not say.


    God how I love your prose: nasty pungent people, as odious as sweat-ripened sneakers on a summer's day. I mean really, I think I should be as gifted to write such utterances, but alas I am not.

    This is why it is always so refreshing to read your take and verbiage of life's day to day.

    As far as co workers, dill weed, dildo and fuck wad are a few of my favs 🙂

  6. Lauren

    Tracie: Thanks. Maybe I shouldn't make them so dark.

    RG: Yup. Job not missed. Ex co-workers nicknames are also encouraged. Although, maybe somethings are better left unsaid.

    Glenn: I'm blushing. Thank you. Love the nicknames. Wish I'd thought of them. They are also apropos.

  7. Ryhen

    GR is fine. He's been telling me loads of crazy *insert stinky word here*

    Here's another reason: Maybe something or someone is giving you the time that you need to explore your self. =)

  8. Lauren

    Love the way you think, Ryhen. If only something or someone could also help with time management.


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