The Metamucil Club.

Old People SignImage by rileyroxx via Flickr


No elderly were harmed in the creation of this blog post.

On my lunch hour,15-minutes removed, I raced over to the library for some much-needed quiet, or so I thought, since library’s are supposed to be quiet, right? Well, not this one. You see, I stumbled into a gathering of seventy-somethings blathering loudly at a library meet up where they discussed the addendum to their condo bylaws, in addition to hanging out at the corner pizzeria in the old days during the Jurassic period.

Okay. I’ll give the “one foot in the grave gang” the benefit of the doubt and factor in hard of hearing as a reason for the high decibel vocal effusions. However, since the library does have wireless, I think the elders should have used email as a means of communication rather than their high screechy voices or just met at Starbuck’s in the first place, which is loud anyway. I once had a writer’s meeting there at night which is apparently the time they like to do their vacuuming.

Perhaps I should have stayed in my car and tried different laptop positions. Now, now, before your thoughts to turn to sludge, the front seat is cramped with car essentials: steering wheel, center console, and dashboard, which makes maneuvering difficult. Car manufacturers would consider a laptop a non-essential item; I would have to strongly disagree and suggest that they indulge our laptop obsession by improving its accessibility in the car whenever it’s stationary. I’m talking about the car.

In fact, I wish that one of the geniuses who invented GPS would find a way to develop an adjustable swivel laptop holder that fits onto the console for times when supposedly quiet public institutions, or institution like places where they hot wire your brain, undergo hostile granny takeovers. Blue hair as far as the eye can see or squint, depending upon your age and/or eyesight.

At least the grannies minds are sharp enough to carry on heated debates on the positive and negative effects of using assorted pizza toppings and that the grannies, as well as the grampies, can still drive to the library without ending up inside a mall atrium trying to find a parking space behind the counter at the Sharper Image store. Oh, that only happens in Florida where all roads lead to sidewalk valet parking and hanging dimpled chads.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

19 Comments The Metamucil Club.

  1. ReformingGeek

    Yes, I would have run away from the library screaming. The Blue Hairs and No Hairs can be quite scary.

  2. Mr. Stupid

    That must have been a chaotic library. My first suggestion was to remove the Steering wheel and put your Laptop. But after a lot of thinking, I realized how important the Steering wheel was…:)

    How about using the Seat by your side?

  3. Will

    Hi Lauren.
    A must have with a laptop:Earphones!
    Saves useless conversations every where ,just smile away thinking "no way you ….!"

  4. Me-Me King

    Living in a Snowbird paradise, I frequently meet up members of the "one foot in the grave" gang. I pray for April when they take their land yachts back to Michigan because I do tire of yelling, "PICK A LANE!!!".

  5. Lauren

    RF: To quote Monty Python and The Search for the Holy Grail, "Run away! Run Away!" I did. Next time I'll be on the look out for the No Hairs. They sound scarier then the Blue Hair variety.

    Mr. S: I can't use the passenger seat. The car has a center console. In order to use my laptop in the car, I have to move my seat back, lean my seat back then lean the passenger seat all the way back. It takes a bit of maneuvering.

    Will: You're right about the earphones. I just feel that it is my God given right to enjoy peace and quiet at a library. That's what they advertise.

    Me-Me: Ha! You poor thing. I've got the winter variety of snow bird here in New York. Unfortunately, they don't flee with the other genus of birds when it gets cold.

  6. Mrsblogalot

    HAAAAAAA…hostile granny takeovers…one foot in the grave gang…. Lauren, these are definitely all golden age comedy specials waiting to happen!!!

  7. David

    Back when the elderly were young, cars were built with front seat computing in mind. If you had a 1959 Edsel you could fit your whole desktop beside you and comfortably cruise down the street with the whole thing running off of the cigarette lighter. Seems like old people pulled off a conspiracy: As computers got better and better they started building cars that were smaller and more cluttered.

  8. Ziva

    I'm happy I popped over from Me-Me, this was hilarious! And so educating. I took my Grandma grocery shopping today, and the store was full of blue hairs and no hairs and even some nose hairs. Next time I'm staying in the car with the laptop.

  9. Lauren

    Mrs. B: Thanks. Great idea. Kind of like "Golden Girls" meets Monty Python. I'll definitely have to do a follow up post.

    Hi David: Thanks for swinging by. So true about the evolution of car designs. Nowadays you have to be double-jointed in order to use a laptop in a car. Not comfortable at all.

    Hi Ziva: Thanks!!!! I appreciate the pop over. Being in the supermarket during the day is an experience. Used to do it when I was unemployed. Sometimes walking is not an option when foot traffic is reduced to a shuffle. Now, I have to add nose hairs to my scary elders' list.

  10. Ivy

    You know, my husband has these Bose noise canceling headphones. You should invest in a pair. Then you can have quiet anytime, anywhere.

  11. Lauren

    Hi Ivy: They sound like a safe room for the ears. If only they could be concealed like an ear aid, I would wear them all the time, smile, and nod a lot.

  12. Lauren

    JD: Ha! I highly recommend staying away from supermarkets and libraries on the weekdays. Luckily, no blue hairs, no hairs, or nose hairs today at the library. Just a guy sleeping with his head on the desk. I think I woke him up. He got up and walked away as soon as I finished setting up.

  13. Bonehead

    I've never mastered the laptop in the car either, I've given in and resorted to a blackberry and a notepad when I'm on the road.

    We've spent an awful lot of time in Florida – and I would venture to guess that I've spent some of that time stuck behind the same senior citizens driving in the left lane that annoyed you in the library.

  14. Lauren

    J: I don't have a blackberry. Wiping tear from eye. As soon as the blue hairs leave the library, they must head down to Florida.

  15. Pingback: Lauren Salkin

  16. Lisa Buben

    Sounds like your need a tablet or iPad Lauren 🙂 Would be nice if cars could accommodate them and I want a Kleenex box holder too! Headphones sounds like a good idea as well. No librarian telling anyone to keep it down anymore?

    1. Lauren

      The shushing is louder than the chatter. LOL! I think headphones is the answer.

      I would love an iPad. I just got an iPhone. So, I’ll have to wait a bit longer for an iPad.

      I use the tweet old posts plugin. This is an older post but I have the same library issues.

  17. Pingback: Lisa

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.