The truth is I can’t cook or park.
By using a completely absurd title, I will attempt to prove a point here that may take a bit of meandering. Please stick with me on this one and help humor me by reading my deranged rant on bureaucracy and sexism in parking, an important matter that far exceeds the gravity of the economic crises or global warming.
Women are slower and less accurate at parking than men, according to a scientific study that confirms the suspicions of many male motorists.
First, I’d like to know how many male motorists were involved and who they were. I want names. Was my husband questioned for this study?
Now that I got that off my seatbelt restrained chest (more restrictive than a bra), I admit it. I can’t park. Whether it’s vertically parking between the lines in a shopping center, parallel parking on a street, or just attempting to stay within the lines in a coloring-book, I just can’t seem to get it right.
However, despite my admission of poor parking practices, I have to ask the question. Which lamebrain bureaucrat approved the funding for this frivolous study? I could have done the study free, waited in a parking lot with a camera, and filmed people parking all day. Like I have nothing better to do. I don’t!
In my video, I would have included a highly sarcastic running monologue about waste in government and how they should park their butts at a desk and solve real problems, instead of sitting behind the wheel watching dingbats ding the crap out of parked cars.
Although the pencil pushers would not have approved my parallel-parking test, it would have reached the same conclusion. Men are better parkers. So what? Do we give them a medal or just the distinction of being the best freaking parkers on the planet? That’s definitely worth a trip to Disneyland or at least a bribe to never complain about a husband’s driving again in return for a day of shopping at Bloomingdales, the preferred destination of choice.
More from the article:
Female drivers take an average of 20 seconds longer to park their cars but are still less likely to end up in the middle of the bay, the research suggests.
I’d say a minute and a half, easily, if crying, then add another thirty-seconds. I’m assuming that “bay” here doesn’t mean a body of water, otherwise I’d already be swimming with the fishes.
And this illuminating piece of news:
As part of the test 65 people were asked to park an Audi A6 family saloon in a standard-sized parking space.
That’s the problem right there. I can’t hold my liquor. Who conducts driving tests in saloons anyway?
And this little gem:
Their manoeuvres – including head-on, reverse and parallel parking – were timed and rated for accuracy, which was judged by how far they kept the vehicle from the edges of the bay.
A language clarification here. For the folks living on the side of the pond where the steering wheel is located on the left and correct side, manoeuvres is the British spelling of the word maneuver, although it does look and sound a bit like manure. Boy, I’m glad I didn’t step in that one.
What do you think. Are men better drivers than women?