Uncle Sam is My Sugar Daddy.

J. M. Flagg's Uncle Sam recruited soldiers for...Image via Wikipedia

The relative with deep pockets.

For a year my very generous Uncle Sam, who is on my mother’s side, has been supporting me financially. He took pity upon the fact that I lost my job and have to sit home all day euthanizing resumes and cover letters that have been condemned to die by my shredder, who I fondly refer to as The Terminator.

I am not the only work depraved soul supported by my uncle. There are thousands of us; all distant cousins living in other economically depressed areas of the country where the dollar, as well as the unemployed, exist on a diet of Macaroni and Cheese and prescription drug cocktails.

These distant relatives of mine, who also have lost their jobs, sit at home staring glassy-eyed at the job boards on their computer screens, and shake their heads in disbelief, as I do, at the limited choices available on the job menus.

Perhaps Monster.com and Yahoo! HotJobs should hire a food consultant and model their job boards after a diner menu, which always has a large variety of items to choose from, in addition to offering customers flexibility in ordering foods from other time zones, as was the case when a Japanese tourist ordered Belgian Waffles in New York City at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

As generous as my Uncle Sam has been these past twelve months, he recently warned me that in several weeks he will stop sending me checks, which up until now have been tax free. The other bad news. Uncle Sam will be taking back a portion of the money he had deposited electronically into my bank account. My Uncle Sam is such an Indian giver, when in fact, he’ll be taking it back.

Yes, my beloved Uncle Sam will soon be cutting me off and leave me flapping in the wind, like damp laundry on a fraying clothesline. But there is still hope for my cousins and me, who are just two clothespins away from being whisked away by the wind and then dumped on a pile of battered bonds and shriveled stock certificates. Yes, we can use our ingenuity, creativity, and street smarts, if we can still recognize a street after being housebound all this time, by becoming entrepreneurs and selling our homes, our belongings, our children, our dogs on EBay. A cash only deal to ensure that my Uncle Sam doesn’t take a huge percentage out of the Monopoly money I earned from a recent sale of Boardwalk and Park Place.

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8 Comments Uncle Sam is My Sugar Daddy.

  1. Bonehead

    I've always considered your uncle one of my business partners. One that doesn't really do a lot of work, yet takes an awful lot of the profits.

    He has helped us this past year as well, but seems to require even his favorite nieces and nephews to file a re-application in order for him to continue his assistance. Thus far he has taken pity on us, but we worry at what price tomorrow.

  2. Dr. James

    These are the most challenging days known in time. Things are changing and leaving people out with technology. Time has worked for and against the baby-boomers. We must learn new skills and apply them in different ways. You really keep things in perspective. Great post.

  3. Mr. Stupid

    Good for you that Uncle Sam was kind enough to not take too much from your Park Place sale… lol
    You should maybe invite him for a game of Monopoly. And by loosing to him on purpose, he might be impressed…:)
    Have a good day!

  4. Lauren

    J: Uncle Sam is the silent partner. It was so good of him to allow you to refile. Maybe in the end, it will only be your soul he asks for.

    Jim: Thank you. It's be a horrible situation for many. I am lucky since I embrace technology and love all things Internet-related. I've recently had two interviews for full time jobs and one for a part time job. I am hopeful.

    Mr. S: There's no way I'm giving up Park Place.

  5. Lauren

    Thanks, Tracie. I think I'll skip the next family reunion. I've had three interviews this week, one by phone, two face-to-face. It's weird calling you Tracie. Btw, I feel like my writing sucks lately. I really need to take more time between posts.

  6. Ryhen

    We're kind of in the same situation, Lauren. The only difference is that I lost my job because I voluntarily resigned. And now, because of what I did to myself, I'm having trouble getting myself plugged back in to the system. Anyway, I'm sure something good will come out of what we're doing. Just hang in there.

  7. Lauren

    Ryhen: 2010 will be a luxury BMW 750 compared to the piece of crap Ford Pinto that was 2009. Hang in there! Incidentally, my husband sells BMWs.


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