The film babbler – When watching a movie just isn’t good enough.


The sound of two lips flapping.

I went to see the movie Leap Year this past Sunday night and was disappointed with the dialog in the movie and in the audience behind me. An older woman with a loud screechy voice that was a perfect complement to the actress’s grating voice, had a propensity for providing a blow-by-blow description of what was going on in the scene and what would happen next.

No, she didn’t have a copy of the script or a pirated version of the film. I don’t know who would want one. She simply liked to guess the outcome of every scene before it occurred, while the rest of us in the audience waited for the film to melt or the credits to roll, which ever came first. Unfortunately, the credits won.

We tried shushing her and turning around to admonish her, but she apparently felt that the price of the ticket elevated her to anchor status. She regarded the movie theater as if it were her own living room, and we her family, not a bunch of pissed off strangers who would have lynched her if the movie had any redeeming qualities, and we actually gave a shit if the two lead characters, who absolutely had no chemistry between them, would ever get together. Frankly, I was hoping he would kill her.

By now, you’ve probably guessed that I gave Leap Year a thumbs down, as soon as I removed it from my ass. The most memorable part of my movie-going experience: the theatre had bottled water and giant size boxes of Junior Mints. Did I mention that it was cold and Sunday night and really, really dark? Because it was, and I had better things to do then sit in a broken seat for an hour and half with my thumb stuck up my ass.

Have you seen any movies lately?
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14 Comments The film babbler – When watching a movie just isn’t good enough.

  1. Will

    Hi Lauren.
    People like that are the reasons why people download movies illegally!
    I did like 2012 !:)
    Altough the guy has more luck then a bunch off rabbits eating feasting on four-leaf clovers .
    Have a great day.

  2. Lauren

    Will: Thanks for much for reading my satire on 2012 and commenting. I really appreciate it. Thanks also for all the nice things you said.

    You're right about why people download movies illegally. I just can't get over the rudeness and obsession with self of some people.

  3. Carl

    Lauren Lauren..:) I am so glad you enjoyed you Junor Mints!Now tell me .Just between us..Is this young commentator somewhere tied with duck tape on her mouth?? haha
    If I do not get a laugh all day I can always count on you !:)
    take care

  4. Bonehead

    Hi Lauren – Junior mints DO make everything better don't they! We really haven't been to many movies later – we generally wait till the DVD comes out or we can order it off the TV, just lazy I guess.

    Last time though we too were agitated by a similarly offending loudmouth so I had to ask my wife to leave as she was bothering people…(kidding, kidding…just jokes 😉

  5. Mr. Stupid

    Hi Lauren. Looks like you had a wonderful time at the movie… lol
    Well, movies for me are a big NO. Why?
    The last time I was at "Indiana Jones" a guy poured Soda on my head. On purpose maybe, but claimed to be an accident. But I managed to watch the entire movie with soda dripping from my head….:)

  6. Lauren

    Carl: I'm glad. Thanks for saying that. It really makes me feel great. I'll tell you. Somebody should have duct taped her.

    J: Don't be mean to Chrissy. She's a saint to put up with your Boneheaded escapades. : )

    Mr. S: Watching Indiana Jones with soda on my head is not my idea of a fun night out. Sounds kind of like the Rocky Horror Picture Show if there was a soda throwing scene in the movie.

  7. Ryhen

    hahaha! Times like that is when I wish I carried a machine gun with me to the movie theater. Just imagine how wonderful it would feel to shower anyone with bullets whenever they make stupid noises.

    I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience with the movie, Lauren. Don't worry, when I get rich, I'll invite you in my crib to watch in my super deluxe home theater. You just need to take turns with my mom coz she'd be watching spanish soap operas.

  8. Lauren

    Ryhen, I think I'll have to agree with Carl on this one. They should hand out duct tape as people walk into a theater to be used at an audience member's discretion. Machine guns are too noisy. : ) Thanks for the invitation. I do know some Spanish other than yo voy a la biblioteca.

  9. Me-Me King

    Lauren, I am rolling! This is the funniest post I've read all day. I hope your won't have to have your thumb surgically removed – good luck!

  10. Lauren

    Thanks, Me-Me!! I did not have my thumb surgically removed, as I am in workout mode preparing for a 2:45 showing of Avatar 3D.

  11. kys

    I heard that movie was a stinker. I'm not even allowed to talk during movies at home. Hubs would throttle me for talking in a theater. If I don't like the movie I usually just lean back and take a nap. Snoring isn't as obnoxious as talking, right?

  12. Lauren

    Kys, Snoring has a consistent percussionist drone that blends into the background, while talking requires the use of inflections, unless you're Henry Kissinger, is intrusive, and follows a cadence all of its own, which does not sync with the movie sound track.

  13. wngl

    When we saw the first Spider Man movie, a teenage girl behind us was relating each scene in loud, bubblegum voice to someone on her phone. "Yeah, and this spider just -dude, it bit him!"

  14. Lauren

    Wngl: I can't believe she was on the phone giving a blow-by-blow description of the movie. The rudeness of people is unbelievable and unbearable. Duct tape is the answer. Thanks for swinging by Think Spin and commenting.


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