I got sick while watching Hannity on Fox. Really!

Toilet bowl

Sick as a dog, while the dogs played.

I’ll get back to Sean Hannity later.

I didn’t post yesterday because I spent most of the afternoon situated within sprinting distance of a toilet. God’s way of getting back at me for posting the previous toilet piece.

As you may or may not know, I am not a big fan of housework. Interestingly, after vacuuming two rooms and the hall that lies between them, I started feeling nausious. Coincidence? I nary had time to ponder the notion before I was off and running to the nearest toilet on the second floor.

After several minutes of generously giving back that which I had ingested earlier, I felt like I had done a night of drinking without enjoying the benefits of inebriation. For twenty-minutes or so, I stared into the mouth of the bowl, before getting up to cleanse my mouth with the fresh, minty taste of Listerine. An unprompted endorsement.

Feeling somewhat better, I ventured downstairs to look for my husband, who was planted on the couch in front of the T.V., where I can usually find him. Before joining him, I grabbed a ginger ale to help sooth my still unsettled stomach that unbeknownst to me, was on the verge of a 10-point eruption.

When I sat down, my husband asked, “Is there any thing I can do?” to which I replied, in my most morose tone, albeit a bit dramatic, “I don’t think so.” With chin pointed downward, staring listlessly at the television, I watched my husband switch channels, until he left the remote control firmly set on Hannity on Fox.

Now, my husband and I sit on different sides of the aisle. I am a moderate Democrat and he is an Independent, leaning Republican, who also to my dismay, occasionally likes to watch Fox. Not being in any mood for an argument on the harmful effects of watching Fox television, I continued staring at Hannity’s smug mug and flapping gums, while my stomach was gearing up for a rather forceful rebuke.

Sean Hannity at King of Prussia Mall, PAImage via Wikipedia

Five-minutes later, my stomach and I had had enough, and I was off and running to the bathroom by the family room.

This time, I lingered in the bathroom for twenty-five minutes, only getting up occasionally to rinse my mouth and wash my face.

When I finally emerged, my husband was gone. Likely, the sounds emanating from therein had sent him scurrying from the room. 

I found him upstairs watching television in our bedroom. I never need a map to find him.

“I didn’t want to be alone,” I said.

“But throwing up isn’t a spectator sport,” he replied in my slightly embellished prose. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I don’t think so,” I said, and headed for the bathroom, turned on the fan, and shut the door.

I had no idea it wasn’t socially acceptable to request company, while in the throes of throwing up. This was a question for Miss Manners, who would surely know the finer points of retching etiquette.

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13 Comments I got sick while watching Hannity on Fox. Really!

  1. Dr. James

    Will cause one to do it, if the other is sick. The next time you have to go, you tell him you need him. I hope you feel better. You may need to get some fresh air and relax. Please keep me posted.

  2. Will

    Hi Lauren.
    How do the say it :"The Lord works in mysterious ways"?
    Somehow he wanted you to apreciate the comfort of a flushing toilet.
    Ah men and remotes ,we are just inseparable ,like part of us, altough i might hold the remote i don't get to vote what i want to watch, my better half seems to know what's best for me to watch or what i've seen previously ,i only get to switch channels to her commands.I guess that's realy remote control?
    Hope you get well soon !

  3. Lauren

    Thanks Dr. James.
    I am feeling better today. Maybe I should just stay out of the room when my husband watches Fox.

  4. Lauren

    Yes, Will. The Lord does work in mysterious ways. I've got two men to contend with, my husband and my twenty-year old son. It does get contentious at times.

    I love how your other half changes channels. 🙂

    Thanks. I am feeling better today.

  5. kys

    Clearly, you shouldn't be doing housework. It isn't good for you. Also,I find that Fox News affects me similarly to Ipecac.

  6. Bonehead

    Hi Lauren – I've heard in order to combat the problem you describe – Fox News has spent piles of money to have sets locked to their network installed in public restrooms throughout the country.

    And they say waterboarding is torture.

  7. Lauren

    Since avid Fox watchers, who are also Republican elite, tend to hang out in restrooms any way, it sounds like a smart corporate decision.

  8. mommapolitico

    Tell him he is required to hold your hair. Or else, send him on a mission for saltines, 7-Up, Gatorade and Jell-O. Guess which one he'll jump at???
    Frankly, I am surprised you haven't worshiped (sp?) the porcelain god sooner if this isn't his first run-in with Hannity and Fix News. So, you guys are one of those Carville-Matalin deals, huh? How do you do it? We stopped talking politics when I was a Hillary fan and The Hubby was for Barak. Longest break in our political discourse in our entire 25 years! Seriously…when I was pregnant, I hoped for three things: 1) happy and healthy, 2)loved to read, and 3) Democratic leaning – "Please, dear God, don't let me raise a Republican!" I am curious about the whole dynamic…enlighten me, please!

    Will read some of your top 10 soon. Good idea for a post! Great piece here, Girl. Loved it.

  9. Lauren

    Thanks, Perry. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. He will watch Countdown with me at times.

    During elections, we often end up watching C-Span as a compromise. As a rule, we try to stay away from discussing politics, although at times I can't refrain from stating my left-leaning views. We do agree on some issues, like immigration and other things.

    My son is politically conflicted and can go either way, though likely will end up an Independent.


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