Gunning for a Job? Face off at High Noon. Pistols or Pencils?

Julio Corral, Madero's Lt. (LOC)

Hint: When your opponent yells, “Draw,” don’t grab a pencil

The job market should be modeled after the Wild West. Instead of  eliminating applicants with the delete key, have the top tier fight it out among themselves in a gun duel in the lobby. A win-win situation. Whoever lives, gets the job. Whoever loses is off the unemployment roll. They are still dead weights although in the literal, not figurative sense. The beauty of attrition. More messes, more custodian jobs posted on Craigslist.

Guns and Moses

The gun lobby (oh! that’s why it’s called a lobby) would be ecstatic. It would bring a blush to Charleston Heston’s rather pallid cheeks. However, a gun duel would create a new set of problems. What if the person who is the better shot is not necessarily the best suited for the position? Answer: Put them on double-secret probation. After two months, if they under-perform, thirty lashes. In another month, if they are still not up to par, off with their head.

In a job interview, the applicant would have to know if the HR person was speaking metaphorically or candidly.

“What happened to the person who previously held the position?”
“Couldn’t handle it. Lost their head.”
Other red flag responses:
  • “Had to cut them loose.”
  • “Just didn’t have the head for the job.”
  • “Their head wasn’t in it.”
What’s your solution for the job crisis?


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