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Although Weasels live in underground areas and in places they cannot be found, every morning they migrate to office buildings in suburban and urban areas where they inhabit cubicles and/or tiny offices that are often mistaken for utility closets. A Workplace Weasel typically hibernates during the day, only venturing from his cubicle when detecting the scent of takeout food or an opportunity to forage for supplies or data in a colleague’s unattended workspace.
Identifying a Weasel
Spotting a Weasel in the workplace is not difficult, as he usually wears ill-fitting clothing that is either wrinkled or stained, and sports a slicked back hair do, i.e., the origin of the nickname “Slick,” which is often associated with a Weasel. Like the Skunk, another member of the Weasel family, A Weasel produces a pungent odor from his sweat glands, when angered or frightened, that can be detected from a distance and usually occurs when a Weasel is caught snoozing at his desk or sneaking out the building before 5 p.m.
Interacting with a Weasel
After a coworker calmly issues instructions for a project, a Weasel will likely respond by barking, whining, or stamping his foot, while gesturing wildly with his hands. He will then stare at his coworker with a vapid look in his eyes; wrinkle his forehead in confusion, as his mouth remains wide-open.
Though a Weasel’s feeding habits vary from day-to-day (He never orders from the same takeout place twice since he usually stiffs the delivery boy.), his questioning habits are quite redundant. A Weasel is known to ask the same question repeatedly, using different phraseology at times; until he tires or becomes so befuddled, he retreats to his cubicle to resume hibernation. Also contrary to a Weasel’s erratic feeding habits, his internal clock is remarkably consistent, awakening the Weasel from his hibernation punctually at 4:55 p.m. each day just before dismissal.
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