Burnt Bums and Boobies – Newbie Guide to Nude Sunbathing

How to avoid being rude in the nude?

 

Nude Pool Etiquette:

  • Remove your clothing as soon as you find a lounge chair – ten-second rule – before your tush smooshes the cushion.
  • Always act naturally while removing your clothing in front of a bunch of smiling, naked strangers.
  • No gyrations or sexually suggestive movements allowed while removing clothing. This is not a strip joint.
  • Always bend from the knees down, never from the midsection. No one wants to look at that.
  • Hat, sunglasses, and suntan lotion are the only accessories permissible.
  • Standing around casually conversing with naked people is encouraged only if you are naked, conversing, and casual about it.
  • The head is the only body part that is permitted scratching.
  • As soon as you are dressed, you must leave the pool area immediately, or you’ll be forcibly removed by the big, fat hairy guy with man boobs.
  • Nametags and other pinned items are prohibited unless you’re wearing a hat.
  • If you wear clothing in the pool area longer than ten seconds, you will be considered a pervert, not the naked people.
  • No handstands allowed in the shallow end of the pool.
  • Nudists must remain at least 3 feet apart from each other at all times. No cheek kissing (upper or lower), hand shaking, or shoulder tapping allowed, especially if visually impaired.
  • No picture taking permitted unless it is of wildlife (not wild life), i.e., birds, rabbits, or roosters, not the other word used to depict roosters.

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