Palin’s Unabridged Words to Nowhere.

Make sense of what doesn'tImage by joestump via Flickr


What’s that buzzing noise?

It’s Sarah Palin‘s words swarming from my TV set and circling my head.

Yes, Sarah Palin is back in the news because there’s a new controversy in town – the ground zero mosque – a wedge issue she can really sink her teeth into.

In an attempt to capture the spotlight and stir up further anger on the proposed construction of a mosque two blocks from ground zero, Palin tweeted in Palin-Speak or Tweety Birdese …

“Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate,” Palin said via Twitter.

This sparked a controversy from the controversy or controversy2.

So, let’s parse her, uh, er words. Nice parallel use of heart and heartland although I would have bypassed the heart stab metaphor and had gone with a more relatable image. Something with more of an ER or Gray’s Anatomy appeal, like heart attack, heart disease, or heart failure. How many people do you know that have been stabbed in the heart?

And the remaining phrase … “as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate.” Okay, so, Alaska isn’t one of the heartland states and refudiate isn’t a real word but what Palin says isn’t reality based any way. You peaceful Muslims -You know who you are – will understand that.

The press wasn’t amused by Sarah Palin’s revisionist carnage of the English language.

From The Epoch Times (not to be confused with the New York Times):

…She used “refudiate” rather than “refute,” which prompted several media outlets to make clear that the former isn’t a word.

In response, Palin used her extensive knowledge of English Literature, she learned in a correspondence course from an advertisement she saw in Moose Life Magazine, to educate the press on the importance of using made up words, as noted in this CBS News article.

Palin shot back and Tweeted: “English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!” 

Here Palin compares herself to William Shakespeare in addition to issuing the startling revelation that words are alive and may in fact have a brain, unlike Palin, whose thoughts are transmitted from an alien spacecraft, originating from the planet WTF that hovers above Wasilla land. 

Incidentally, the William Shakespeare to whom Palin refers is a resident lush who drinks from a local watering hole. The patrons refer to him as Bill because he never pays his.

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Sarah Palin Magazine: Straight from the moose’s mouth to your bleeding ears.

Camp Buehring, Kuwait - Alaska Governor Sarah ...Image via Wikipedia

Oprah she ain’t!

Sarah Palin Magazine – Coming soon to a newsstand near you. (They still have those?) The only magazine with run on sentences and fictionalized accounts of the facts.

“The genesis of it was really simple,” said Steve LeGrice, the publisher and editor of Imagine That. “We’re up here in New York, and there was clearly this huge enthusiasm for Sarah Palin . . .

He must be confusing New York with Russia. She can see it from her house, you know.

” . . . and at the same time all the people in the media world were sitting around scratching their heads” about how people could support her.”

Scratching their heads because of the lice they contracted from the free hats she may have been handing out. The hats, that once belonged to a minion of moose she shot with an AK-47 from a helicopter, were immediately recycled and placed into the promotional drawer upon extermination of the hosts. She used Dick Cheney on the ground as back up, instructing him to aim his rifle in the opposite direction, thus ensuring a direct hit.

“What we decided to do is put out a magazine all in her own words,” he said — a magazine “without any opinion or anything added in.”

Wink. Wink. Nod. Nod.

The Palin issue contains what LeGrice said are family pictures of Palin not previously published by a magazine — including her as a child with her siblings and a dead bear bleeding over a stump; picking through shot white birds; holding a cardboard box of fish freshly caught at an ice hole; and with moose antlers still attached to a fragment of bloody skull.

Charming. Sounds like one of my family pictures minus the dead bear bleeding over a stump and other sordid animal carnage.

 “I want people to know what I stand for and judge me on that … read in my own words who I am. Don’t believe the things that are made up,” the magazine quotes Palin as saying.

It was horrible how CBS doctored the footage of the Katie Couric/Sarah Palin interview to make Sarah look like an idiot. That’s right! They didn’t have to touch a thing, thus saving CBS the need to incur the extra expense. Palin really was an idiot and couldn’t name one newspaper she read. I guess she had better luck with magazines, which is a great reason to launch one.

So, walk don’t run to your nearest newsstand (I swear the last one I saw was on the corner of 42nd and Park) or convenience store to get your copy of Sarah Palin Magazine, retailing at $8.99, around the same price she paid for building her Wasilla house.

Will you buy a copy of Sarah Palin magazine to
A.  read?
B.  cover the bottom of your bird cage?
C.  display in magazine racks at abortion doctors’ offices?
D.  bonk right wing extremists over the head every time they say something offensive?
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