If I Could See with My Nose


Dog Thoughts


My dog Jenny smells coyotes and cats with her superpower nose that can detect animal life through closed windows. It amazes me what she can see with her nose.

I stand at the window staring at trees and grass, and bits of sagging sky through the hills, and see nothing living or breathing. Though the hills may be alive with the sound of music.

Jenny doesn’t hear the sound of music. She smells it with her nose, a magical nose that interprets each scent with scientific accuracy, while I squint to read a street sign in the dark.

I wish I had a nose that can see.

My magical nose would find a Caribbean beach to wade in warm aquamarine sea, the sunlight hugging me, warming my brown skin, wet and salty, but not like taffy. My skin is dry like wisps of windswept sand as the ocean speaks in a way it only can.

The tide rolls in and my toes sink into wet scalloped sand. Above, gossiping gulls scan the beach from atop a thatched roof. They kvetch because they caught air instead of food. The gulls need to take a break from gulling and rest on a fence or light post; their squawks drown out the drone of voices from humans sauteing in the sun.

The gulls stretch their wings and jump into sky, circling the human world below, shielded by baseball caps and straw hats. Humans need protection from the sun and each other. Gulls just need table scraps and then to crap on ornamental humanity.


Why is this dog smiling?

This picture came with the frame

Jake is smiling because he’s been eating chopped meat and rice for the past several days. No gauche canned dog food for him.

It all started when he heard a rumor at the dog watering hole.

Barney the Boxer got Jake’s attention with a doggy rope toy and a “pssssst.”

“Hey you, Jake. Come over here,” he said.

Jake nodded and bounded over to a pine tree, with low hanging branches, where Barney was waiting.

“Step into my office.”

Jake followed Barney beneath the branches.

“I’m going to tell you something ’cause I like you. I heard that Spot is eating chopped meat and rice instead of that canned crap.”

Jake’s ears twitched. “Are you pulling my leg?”

“No, I was sniffing your butt, but that’s not important now. I know how you can con your human into giving you packaged red meat.”


“Not exactly, but you’re close. All you gotta do is eat crap. You know, grass, dirt, litter box nuggets, fur.”

“Fur?” Jake barked. “Are you nuts?”

“No, dog. And I’ve got the pedicure papers to prove it.”

“I’m not eating my fur. It’ll make me sick.”


“You are crazy. You want me to get sick.”

“It’s only temporary. Your human will take you to see that guy in the white coat.”

“The painter?”

“No, you stupid mutt. The vet. And you’ll get a car trip out of it, too.”

“I don’t know, Barney. It sounds risky.”

“Do want to eat the good stuff or not?”

“Of course, I do. I hate waiting around for a food dropping to hit the floor. And there’s that stupid human 10-second rule. If I don’t get to the food in 9, I’m screwed.”

“So, start eating crap today, and you’ll be dining on rice and hamburger tonight.”

Barney turned, as a Shepherd furball rolled toward the tree.

“I’ve got dibs on this one!” Barney growled.

Later that day, when the vet found fur, grass, dirt and other indistinguishable matter at the tail end of Jake’s digestive system, Jake started a diet of chopped meat and rice.

Now, all the dogs are doing the con.

What’s the latest gossip at your local dog watering hole?

Relevant Articles: