Self Portrait (after baking in the sun) Wednesday’s child is full of woe, as is lobster night if you’re a lobster or happen to look like one. After mistaking the green tube of shampoo for after sun aloe, my arms were oh so clean but still blazing red hot from the sun. That’s when… Continue reading
The Bombastic Mr. Hoss: Escape from Glum Street
A Story About a Club Soda, a Light Bulb, and a Psychotic Bartender It was Mr. Hoss’ bad luck to stop by the Glum Street Bar on his way home from the light bulb store, after getting a tan at the Salon Du Jour. If only he didn’t have a hang over from the night… Continue reading
Debt is good if you can finally sell that bridge you bought
Are you a debitante? “Nothing says give me a break like a slap of a credit card in hand.” The sales lady said. “Yes,” the others echo while standing in line across the room, sinking into the soles of their bottomless shoes. They wait their turn to choose between heaven and hell, staring at the… Continue reading
Cheney Takes Aim at Justice Department – Misses
Every one ducks for cover in the senate commissary.
Treading the Treadmill Lightly
Want to Exercise? Pick Your Poison. Sweat by Jog, Gym, or Treadmill? Jogging the Wallet There is something glamorous about jogging in a Moxie Skirt and Fizz Tank Top until you to start to run and unsightly sweat stains leave an indelible mark on your pride and your new tank top. Jogging is too damn… Continue reading
Visiting Nerds of Silicon Valley – Certified IT/Healthcare Professionals
The only computer/healthcare agency equipped to handle victims of hard drive head trauma A CUSTOMER LETTER Dear Visiting Nerds, After Uncle Ned, a retired Citrus Fruit Dyer, hit his head on the hard drive of his computer and passed out, I immediately got round the clock home healthcare assistance. Unfortunately, the accident rendered Uncle Ned… Continue reading
If Only There Was a Lost and Found for Brains
Searching For My Brain I once had a brain but it went MIA above the yondering blue where the space ships cruise in weightlessness. That’s where my brain is—somewhere in space—the final frontier—floating in a vacuum of nothingness. In space, there is no air or reason to put on airs. Everyone looks the same hermetically… Continue reading
Dry Humor Minus the Perrier
How nomads got their name Who would have thought that a nomad wandering the desert would have such a wonderful dry sense of humor?Historians were just as surprised. According to an ancient scroll recently discovered in the Sinai Peninsula, as soon as the sun finished baking a nomad’s brain rendering him delusional, the funny bone,… Continue reading
Stay tuned for this thoughtful thought – Zen of FreeCell Revisited
For every action, there is a reaction Whenever I’m stressed and need to refocus, I start a game of FreeCell. The repetitive play and focus on strategizing the next card placement calms my brain and muffles the extraneous mind chatter. I continue to play game-after-game, replaying the same game if I lose, until I reach… Continue reading
Cyber Surfing Hound Got You Down?
The IPooch Can Help Does a scene like this give you pause? Does your dog run to check his e-mail as soon as you leave the room? Now both of you can enjoy online time together. With the new IPooch from Apple, your dog can stay in touch with his canine chums and surf… Continue reading