While I work on my resume, I’m digging up writing that’s been sleeping with the dust bunnies. The following piece was published in ByLine Magazine in June 2005. I hated the title that the editor chose, “In Defense of Freefall.” But my title wasn’t any better, “Caution: Outline Route Plot Pile-up Ahead.” LOL! I just… Continue reading
Post Category → Humor
Egad — I have been Sham-pooed!
Image by Cayusa via Flickr Did you ever notice how many different shampoos there are? There’s tearless baby shampoo, kid’s fruity banana, strawberry, blueberry, berry berry; shampoo for oily hair, dry hair, normal hair — what exactly is normal hair anyway? — Shampoo for shiny hair, hair that is damaged, bleached, colored, or has split… Continue reading
My Handbag: An Over the Shoulder Dumpster for My Crap.
LIST OF ITEMIZED CRAP. Consumable Goods: 6 Promo Samples of Melon Bubble Gum 1 roll of Mentos 4 Granola Bars. They look like this (but fully clothed) ▼ ▼ ▼ Image via Wikipedia Anti-Diarrheal Pills (after ingesting all the above) Food-Related Items: (twice removed) 3 Spoons 4 DayQuil LiquiCaps $1.94 in change… Continue reading
When Your Writing Flatlines.
Image via Wikipedia. A DRAMATIZATION. Alice Smith sits in front of her computer, about to write. Suddenly, her computer freezes. She can’t think. A pain shoots through her brain — a writing blockage immobilizes her. The white screen of death gives her the evil eye. Her brain shuts down, as the room spins. She passes… Continue reading
Stuck in School Bus Limbo.
Image by woody1778a via Flickr. A school bus with flashing crimson lights suddenly appears in front of my car, squeaking in ancient brakeage tongues before creeping to a stop. “You Move. You lose your phone and radio privileges.” The bus driver speaks from a microphone. But I’ve got an itch on my blind side.To further… Continue reading
Grim and Grimmer – War of the Whirly Words
Grim You must write everything out. Grimmer E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g o-u-t. What’s the point? Grim There is no point. I put my hands in my pockets to avoid a point. Grimmer A finger point? Grim Yes, I had a finger point. You need to use your fingers to recapture the lost art of handwriting, not hieroglyphics. Management… Continue reading
When Reality Bites You in the Ass and You Can’t Bite Back.
-Back to Work Back Post- Cover via Amazon I went back to work on Monday and haven’t had time to write. As soon as I strike a balance between reality and the virtual world, I’ll start sloughing the mind flakes.Until then … How blogging saved my mind but not my 401K. REPLACING THE DECK… Continue reading
More Planes in the Sky – Less People on the Ground.
Caution: Low Flying Planes Image via Wikipedia A letter in support of more commercial flights over quiet bucolic communities. Dear Editor, A recent FAA directive rerouting flights from major city airports over suburban areas is a much-needed public initiative. The directive will greatly improve the lives of neighborhood residents by keeping people inside away from… Continue reading
APB out on missing muse!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/martinlabar/CC BY-NC 2.0 Officer: Description of Muse? Me: I’m drawing a blank. Officer: Height, weight . . .? Me: I’ve got nothing. This is a repost from November 2009; dedicated to Kathy, an extremely talented blogger, the brains behind The Junk Drawer, and author of the recent post “I Lost My… Continue reading
Confessions of a Serial Plant Killer
-Image via Wikipedia ~This is the third day of my incarceration in a maximum-security garden center. The florist glares at me from behind a bouquet of thorny roses, and she thinks I’m the dangerous one. I think we’re both the same, but she’d disagree. She cuts off the stems of plants. I cut off their… Continue reading