I had every intention of writing a blog post but that same old dread enveloped me like a noxious fog — President Trump.
I tried to calm myself by meditating: ohm, ohm… Oh, my God, President Trump.
I tried taking a walk to get inspired: Trees, birds… Trump.
I’ve got nothing, I said. Any thoughts? I asked Myself, usually a very good listener and purveyor of good advice.
But she wasn’t helpful this time. “I don’t know,” Myself said introspectively. “Maybe write something about Trump.”
“But that’s depressing,” I grumbled. “Thinking about Trump makes me grumpy, or dare I say, Trumpy. You know I haven’t written anything in months because of Trump.”
Myself just sighed. She knew that Trump’s bigoted, unhinged comments stifled my creativity and provoked me to yell at inanimate objects like the shoe I just tripped over.
“What the hell, shoe!” I yelled. “Are you trying to kill me?”
The shoe offered a laced up rebuke. “You left me here,” it said. “… abandoned me like all the ideas you’ve scribbled on torn pages in your notebook. This one is on you, missy!”
But, there were no more buts. The shoe was right–literally.
I had no business yelling at anything and went on an apology tour to all the inanimate objects in the house.
I realized that being depressed and stuck is exactly what a bully would want from the ladies he’s grabbed by the pussy, metaphorically or figuratively.
It didn’t matter. If I allowed Trump to victimize me from afar, my voice would be silenced–exactly what Trump would want.
So, I’ll do my best not to get Trumped and rant in run-on sentences with protruding cartoon eyes. It only upsets my blog who stares at me blankly, sputtering nonsensical words across an anemic-looking page.
“Damn it!” I screamed. “Write something smart!”
At which point the sidearm of my chair slapped my wrist and said, “Stop choking the monitor!”
“My God. I’m a monster!” I unclenched the computer and wiped my fingerprints from the screen.
“Sorry blog. This anger thing is unconscious and scary pervasive. I need to get a grip without getting a grip. Use my hands for good, instead of evil.”
“The power of Christ compels you” to purge the beast and write.
But write about what? Puppies or politics?
I love puppies but their cuteness is wasted on words, best captured in video or pictures.
I love politics but lately just see the giant orange burrito spew guacamole on TV. It sends me on a taco spending spree to crush them in the compactor.
No, I need a Trumpectomy, to turn off the TV and get Trump out of my head. Once there’s nothing left of him, I’ll be able to write again.
Now, if I only could think of something to write about.
Has your writing been Trumped?