Write Something. Damn it! Who cares if it’s crap, literally?

 

Mr-AcerbicA conversation with myself because no one else will listen.

Why don’t I feel like writing? – Arctic spring weather? Green goop in China? Wrist Apnea?

Lame, lame and lame. Just strike the damn keys until something appears –

Black-and-blue words, broken letters…

Cut the crap! You’re being lazy. No one gets anywhere by being lazy. You’ve got to park your butt on the chair and exercise your fingers. Just do it, if that is what you want to do. The hell with everything else.

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Food, You Are Dead to Me!

 

-oh-god-why-

Because I can’t taste you anymore.
At least, not in the way I used to.

Several months ago, I noticed that
trusted flavors lacked their usual zest.

Garlic, yogurt, onions…all tasted bland.

Granted, I’ve never been much of
a cook…Well, food tasted blander
than that.

At first, I thought I was imagining it.
But as time passed, I realized it was real.

Food had lost its zing. It was just plain, tasteless.

Sure, at times a hint of peripheral flavors slipped through the vague ingredients.

I was able to detect gobs of garlic, onions and even burnt toast. Sweet foods tasted sweet but not in a savory way.

All the flavors smushed together into one muted lump that confused my brain.

While I was eating a piece of cake, my brain sent a note.

Hey, you. That’s supposed to be chocolate you’re eating. But I taste nonspecific sweet, not dark chocolate sweet. What’s up with that?

I don’t know what to say. It looks like cake. But…the sights, textures and taste of foods just don’t jive.

I knew what I was eating but there was a communication problem between my tongue and brain. After being BFFs for so many years, suddenly they stopped talking.

My brain sent another note one night while I was eating pepperoni pizza.

Hey, that’s cheese. Isn’t it? And spicy pepperoni with garlic. But all I taste is a hint of spice. Not a specific spice. Again, totally generic and bland. What’s up with that?

Well, I’ve got this stuff in the sensory area of my brain. Lesions force the neurons to take the scenic route, on the back roads, to where they need to go. Instead of the short cut they’re used to.

Oh, yeah, 2001. Now I remember being zapped with electrical impulses during the Sensory Evoked Potential Test.

Hey, I was zapped. You just reacted.

Well, it sucked just the same. But what’s that got to do with the taste of food at a Chinese restaurant?

Sensory, my friend. Senses, lack of taste…

You’ve always been a bit tasteless but never with food.

Well, now we’ve come full circle, or rather full oval, the actual shape of my head.

Just do me a flavor. I mean favor. The next time you eat chocolate cake, smother it with hot fudge, mint chocolate chip ice cream and whip cream. Lots of sweet stuff. Maybe if you inundate your tongue with a potpourri of sweets, you’ll get dessert justice.

Thanks Brain. Now I know why you’re in charge. But you still have my ass to answer to.

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The Internet ADHD Experiment

 

Scientists using the focally-challenged as lab rats.

The Internet is more addictive than crack because it’s as pervasive as air.

Shiny Object in the Sky

Earlier today, the Fantasy News Network (FNN) uncovered a massive secret program in which ADHD individuals are unwittingly being used as test subjects in one of the most ambitious experiments in human history, in cooperation with Google, Bing and social media sites.

An unnamed and unverified source reportedly told FNN’s John Jester that in 1970, the military and Al Gore secretly co-founded The Shiny Object Project, a.k.a. the Internet ADHD Experiment, to monitor the behavior of ADHD individuals while surfing the Internet, to determine how it affects their brains.

Funded by the military and private investors, The Shiny Object Project (SOP) has been secretly studying ADHD test subjects through their search criteria, i.e., Googling old flames and searching for dirt on obnoxious co-workers, in addition to monitoring how many hours a day a test subject spends on Facebook playing Farmland and posting adorable pictures of their pets. Continue reading