The Baffletown County Sheriff’s Department takes Obama’s beer sit down seriously. Ben When, a reporter from the Flummox Daily News, sat down with Sheriff Dipschitz and asked him about his Beer with a Queer Program. DIPSCHITZ Yessur, I like what the President’s doing even though I don’t believe he’s really the President. He was born… Continue reading
Date Archives → July 2009
Unemployment Dayjà vu
On Unemployment Time I open my eyes and regard the alarm clock on my nightstand. “Oh God, it’s you again.” Nothing has changed. I’m still on unemployment time — the fifth time zone located in the middle of a daydream, where time moves like a waffle ball. “What day is it?” I ask my dog… Continue reading
When Right-Brain Tweets Left-Brain
Right-Brain (RB) vs. Left-Brain (LB) RB: What a day! The sun is shining. LB: Wear a hat and sunglasses. You could get burned or worse go blind. RB: You’re negative. LB: I’m practical. RB: You’re boring. LB: Just because I plan my day. RB: Plan it? You dissect it like a science experiment. LB: I’m… Continue reading
A Headstone Can’t Roll Yet Gathers Moss
Only a medium with a reliable spirit source could answer such a question. Unfortunately, most ghosts are flighty, show up unannounced, and leave cold spots on the living room rug. If I were a ghost, I wouldn’t even hang out in a cemetery; I would haunt a five-star hotel in Cozumel. Lately, death has been… Continue reading
Secret CIA program hidden from Congress found in Cheney’s pants
Limited public appearances while Cheney was still in office tied to secret program. Earlier today, an anonymous source told the Washington Retro Times, “It all makes sense now. Cheney intentionally scaled back his public appearances to avoid bringing attention to the bulge in his pants – an encrypted wireless device used to gain control… Continue reading
Bonging in Britain continues as Big Ben Celebrates a 150-year tradition
Over the years, the styles of bongs have changed but the consistency of bonging hasn’t. After 150 years of bonging, Big Ben still stands straight and tall, a prominent fixture of the London skyline along with the fog that engulfs it. However, the chemistry of fog, long determined to be a natural phenomenon of London’s… Continue reading
Birthline Cruises: Disembarking the Mother Ship
Port of Call – Maternity Ward GREETER Hello. I’d like to welcome you here after your long journey. BABY Thanks, but I have to tell you that I’m miffed. After nine months on the high seas and that schlep through the terminal, I expected better service after disembarking. Instead, some scary-looking guy, with no nose… Continue reading
Scammers and Crows
Shock and Caw Cyber-site-overload short-circuits the electrical impulses in my brain. Too many job sites, too many want ads touting useless propositions like, “Work from home. Make money storing nuclear waste in your basement,” or “Be your own boss and earn enough money to start banking in the Cayman Islands.” There are too many vultures… Continue reading