White House Pulls The Plug On Meals On Wheels

Considered a non-essential item in the White House budget, the Meals on Wheels program will likely be terminated along with grandma — “Whose life expectancy exceeds her value to society,” according to the budget overview. “Non-essential spending on people who’ve outlasted their expiration date will be shifted to essential budgets like the military, to help pay for wars caused by Trump’s… Continue reading

DeVos To Rollout Her Vodka Soda Swap Plan For Schools

Higher education depends on a higher tolerance to alcohol. ~Betsy DeVos In Betsy DeVos’s first action as Secretary of Education, she called for an expansion of Michelle Obama’s healthy school lunch program, introducing her plan to replace sodas with vodka in school cafeteria vending machines. A spokesperson for Stolichnaya confirmed reports of airplane-sized bottles being flow into… Continue reading

America Elects Its Next Celebrity President

It’s not surprising that Trump won the election. Americans love reality television. Millions of viewers tune it to watch Survivor every Wednesday night, others can’t survive without their Tuesday fix of Dancing with the Stars. When the election mutated into a spin-off of The Apprentice, Americans couldn’t get enough of Trump’s on-the-trail antics, some of… Continue reading