E-mail from Sodom and Gomorrah or Finding Love in all the Wrong Places

A spam gram from a decaying ruin – nothing personal

 

Greetings, (earthling)
how are you today, i guess that you are feeling fine. (you guess wrong)

it was very great when i got your profiles (great for whom?)

and i felt a great interested on you (get it off!)

which really gave me a nice pleasure to communicate with you (eyes shut, typing – “la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la”)

if you will have the same feelings with me,

(I won’t have anything with you)

here is my email address (xoxoxo@yahoo.com) where you can contact me for easiest communication,

(for hardest communication – the circular file)

i wish you best of all of good luck (I’m going to need it) and have a nice day

as i am waiting to hear from you soonest. (that’s not my name) 

yours lovely one to be (poetic injustice)

please send me mail to my box so i will send you my pic ok (okie dokie – wink, wink, nod, nod)

yours love (not mine – quoth the raven, “nevermore.”) 

 

(I highly recommend FreeCell – E-mail is not your best game)


Referring link – The Zen of FreeCell:

http://www.blogcatalog.com/blog/think-spin/b69d42ad19dcf40e20960b0f6a8c8041

Store launches underpants for left-handed men . . . on the fly

 

Left Handers' Day, August 13 2002

The neglected appendage or when left means right

Metaphorically speaking, a left-handed man has a longer hike down the same path than a right-handed man does when it comes to adjusting his underwear.

History has not been kind to the left-handed man and his briefs until one British manufacturer defied the laws of right-handed logic, and the vertically inclined, by changing the opening in the front to a left-handed horizontal “hallelujah.” A bold yet daring move that will possibly overshadow the creation of men’s underwear itself.

“. . . Y-fronted underpants have traditionally had a right-handed opening from the time they were invented in 1935.

“As a result,” Debenhams said, “left-handed men have to reach much further into their pants, performing a Z shaped maneuver through two 180 degree angles before achieving the result that right handed men perform with ease.”

A Z shaped maneuver that Zorro would have likely performed at ye olde urinal while holding his sword.

Gunning for a Job? Face off at High Noon. Pistols or Pencils?

Julio Corral, Madero's Lt. (LOC)

Hint: When your opponent yells, “Draw,” don’t grab a pencil

The job market should be modeled after the Wild West. Instead of  eliminating applicants with the delete key, have the top tier fight it out among themselves in a gun duel in the lobby. A win-win situation. Whoever lives, gets the job. Whoever loses is off the unemployment roll. They are still dead weights although in the literal, not figurative sense. The beauty of attrition. More messes, more custodian jobs posted on Craigslist.

Guns and Moses

The gun lobby (oh! that’s why it’s called a lobby) would be ecstatic. It would bring a blush to Charleston Heston’s rather pallid cheeks. However, a gun duel would create a new set of problems. What if the person who is the better shot is not necessarily the best suited for the position? Answer: Put them on double-secret probation. After two months, if they under-perform, thirty lashes. In another month, if they are still not up to par, off with their head.

In a job interview, the applicant would have to know if the HR person was speaking metaphorically or candidly.

JOB APPLICANT
“What happened to the person who previously held the position?”
EMPLOYER
“Couldn’t handle it. Lost their head.”
Other red flag responses:
  • “Had to cut them loose.”
  • “Just didn’t have the head for the job.”
  • “Their head wasn’t in it.”
What’s your solution for the job crisis?

 

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Food Prompt Du Jour: Shrimp – The Prince Scampi APB

Fried flour shrimps

You don’t have to be small to be a shrimp

Everything went along swimmingly for Prince Scampi, heir to the Jumbo Shrimp Empire, until the day he was caught in a dragnet by the Fish Interpol of the Caribbean Sea.

It all began with an APB on a criminal crustacean named Crab Legs Louie. A known master of disguise, Louie played a different shell game that day, donning the exact attire of Prince Scampi’s royal armor, albeit more garlicky.

While Prince Scampi vacationed in the Virgin Islands, Louie made an anonymous call to the Interpol tip line. From the neighboring kingdom of Shrimp Creole, he spewed out his lie. “Crab Legs Louie,” he said, “will be trawling Caribbean waters wearing a Prince Scampi disguise.”

Louie had heard about Prince Scampi’s travel plans from an ex con pal, Bing the Sting Ray, who had sneaked inside the Jumbo Shrimp Empire earlier in the week and blended in with the wall décor in the palace dining hall.

The Fish Interpol netted poor Prince Scampi while he enjoyed a tangy lemon rum swill at the Coral Reef Bar and Grille. Scampi was hauled off to jail, held without bail, and denied his one conch call. The arresting Officer, Lobster McGee, an old crusty cop, became suspicious when he couldn’t remove what he thought was a disguise hiding the mug of the notorious salty thug Crab Legs Louie.

Meanwhile Louie, who had entered the Jumbo Shrimp Kingdom disguised as the much beloved Prince Scampi, had slipped into the linguini library to steal the royal heirloom, a necklace of pearls strung with a weave of Samoan seaweed, a gift from Esther Escargot, a distant cousin in the Mediterranean.

However, Louie overlooked one important detail, a hook tattoo on the tip of Prince Scampi’s tail, which was known to Officer Lobster McGee, a shrimp connoisseur and part time historian extraordinaire who never tired of facts about the Jumbo Shrimp Empire.

Crab Legs Louie now sits on death row in a Caribbean jail where he is first in line to be breaded and deep-fried.

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The Interview Smell Test: Eve Saint Laurent or Eau de Bull Ca-Ca?

Interview Warning Signs
 
You know there is a problem if . . .
•    A Pekingese carrying a chew toy greets you in the reception area then pees on your leg.
•    The interviewer picks his teeth with a hunting knife.
•    The interview desk has a wee-wee pad instead of a desk pad.
•    When you ask, “Where is the bathroom?” the interviewer hands you a box of Depends.
•    The interviewer is dressed in a straight jacket; he questions himself, objects to the answers, and then asks security to toss him from the building. The interview ends abruptly.
•    Body bags line the back wall.
•    Several days after your interview, a Photoshopped version of it with your head on a naked body goes viral on YouTube.
•    An Invisible Fence sign hangs on the front door, and the employees wear electric collars.
•    A department store mannequin seated at the reception desk offers bad advice.
•    The conference room has padded walls and pill dispensers.
•    The interviewer is an ex-shrink and questions you about your relationship with your parents instead of previous employers.
     
Do you have an interesting interview anecdote?
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