Burnt Bums and Boobies – Newbie Guide to Nude Sunbathing

How to avoid being rude in the nude?

 

Nude Pool Etiquette:

  • Remove your clothing as soon as you find a lounge chair – ten-second rule – before your tush smooshes the cushion.
  • Always act naturally while removing your clothing in front of a bunch of smiling, naked strangers.
  • No gyrations or sexually suggestive movements allowed while removing clothing. This is not a strip joint.
  • Always bend from the knees down, never from the midsection. No one wants to look at that.
  • Hat, sunglasses, and suntan lotion are the only accessories permissible.
  • Standing around casually conversing with naked people is encouraged only if you are naked, conversing, and casual about it.
  • The head is the only body part that is permitted scratching.
  • As soon as you are dressed, you must leave the pool area immediately, or you’ll be forcibly removed by the big, fat hairy guy with man boobs.
  • Nametags and other pinned items are prohibited unless you’re wearing a hat.
  • If you wear clothing in the pool area longer than ten seconds, you will be considered a pervert, not the naked people.
  • No handstands allowed in the shallow end of the pool.
  • Nudists must remain at least 3 feet apart from each other at all times. No cheek kissing (upper or lower), hand shaking, or shoulder tapping allowed, especially if visually impaired.
  • No picture taking permitted unless it is of wildlife (not wild life), i.e., birds, rabbits, or roosters, not the other word used to depict roosters.

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At Network for Wives, There are Only New Wives’ Tales

Marie Sklodowska Curie (1867-1934)

 

Tales about life’s ironies, mishaps, triumphs, discoveries, and even mom’s latest recipes.

The women of Network for Wives are trendsetters, pioneers, storytellers, speaking their minds through their fingertips.  Network for Wives may have slipped into blogging oblivion but these women have not.

They are trailblazers and blogblazers, thinkers and initiators, providing insight and advice to the online world straight from the heart.

I am in awe of all of you and admire your dedication and invaluable contribution to the blogosphere . . . your work, your sweat, your words, carving a niche in cyberspace one post at a time.

Thank you!

  • Brickhouse Mama 2

 

E-mail from Sodom and Gomorrah or Finding Love in all the Wrong Places

A spam gram from a decaying ruin – nothing personal

 

Greetings, (earthling)
how are you today, i guess that you are feeling fine. (you guess wrong)

it was very great when i got your profiles (great for whom?)

and i felt a great interested on you (get it off!)

which really gave me a nice pleasure to communicate with you (eyes shut, typing – “la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la”)

if you will have the same feelings with me,

(I won’t have anything with you)

here is my email address (xoxoxo@yahoo.com) where you can contact me for easiest communication,

(for hardest communication – the circular file)

i wish you best of all of good luck (I’m going to need it) and have a nice day

as i am waiting to hear from you soonest. (that’s not my name) 

yours lovely one to be (poetic injustice)

please send me mail to my box so i will send you my pic ok (okie dokie – wink, wink, nod, nod)

yours love (not mine – quoth the raven, “nevermore.”) 

 

(I highly recommend FreeCell – E-mail is not your best game)


Referring link – The Zen of FreeCell:

http://www.blogcatalog.com/blog/think-spin/b69d42ad19dcf40e20960b0f6a8c8041

Store launches underpants for left-handed men . . . on the fly

 

Left Handers' Day, August 13 2002

The neglected appendage or when left means right

Metaphorically speaking, a left-handed man has a longer hike down the same path than a right-handed man does when it comes to adjusting his underwear.

History has not been kind to the left-handed man and his briefs until one British manufacturer defied the laws of right-handed logic, and the vertically inclined, by changing the opening in the front to a left-handed horizontal “hallelujah.” A bold yet daring move that will possibly overshadow the creation of men’s underwear itself.

“. . . Y-fronted underpants have traditionally had a right-handed opening from the time they were invented in 1935.

“As a result,” Debenhams said, “left-handed men have to reach much further into their pants, performing a Z shaped maneuver through two 180 degree angles before achieving the result that right handed men perform with ease.”

A Z shaped maneuver that Zorro would have likely performed at ye olde urinal while holding his sword.

Gunning for a Job? Face off at High Noon. Pistols or Pencils?

Julio Corral, Madero's Lt. (LOC)

Hint: When your opponent yells, “Draw,” don’t grab a pencil

The job market should be modeled after the Wild West. Instead of  eliminating applicants with the delete key, have the top tier fight it out among themselves in a gun duel in the lobby. A win-win situation. Whoever lives, gets the job. Whoever loses is off the unemployment roll. They are still dead weights although in the literal, not figurative sense. The beauty of attrition. More messes, more custodian jobs posted on Craigslist.

Guns and Moses

The gun lobby (oh! that’s why it’s called a lobby) would be ecstatic. It would bring a blush to Charleston Heston’s rather pallid cheeks. However, a gun duel would create a new set of problems. What if the person who is the better shot is not necessarily the best suited for the position? Answer: Put them on double-secret probation. After two months, if they under-perform, thirty lashes. In another month, if they are still not up to par, off with their head.

In a job interview, the applicant would have to know if the HR person was speaking metaphorically or candidly.

JOB APPLICANT
“What happened to the person who previously held the position?”
EMPLOYER
“Couldn’t handle it. Lost their head.”
Other red flag responses:
  • “Had to cut them loose.”
  • “Just didn’t have the head for the job.”
  • “Their head wasn’t in it.”
What’s your solution for the job crisis?

 

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