Tom emptied his drawers, leaving Ann alone in bed with a bag of nuts. Ann ate them, despite her allergy, tweeted a salty goodbye then died.
Washing dishes is not magic realism, fantasy or science fiction. You cannot wish a dish dirt free by rubbing a Genie’s lamp or will it clean with telekinetic abilities.
Dirty dishes in a sink remain in a state of food decay until said dish undergoes a Loofah scrub or dishwasher purification ritual.
You cannot change a dish from dirty to clean with a click of the remote control or get rid of a dish with a mafia hit. Dishes aren’t disposable and should not be tossed in the trash after just one use.
Leaving a dish unattended in the sink won’t teach it the virtues of clean living. There is no 12-step program for a plate, no pharmaceutical solution for dirty dish disease.
Don’t you know it’s sacrilegious to smite crockery at night?
A plate must stay chaste. You must cleanse its ceramic soul after defiling it. Otherwise, it might embark on a germicidal rage, corrupting Sippy cups juiced up on acidic vitamin C while sliming strung out saucers.
Gunk on a plate stays on a plate until you take the plate in your hand and purify it with Palmolive dish soap. Can I hear a hallelujah?
Brother, you must rid the dish of grease streaked sin by sanitizing it in suds. Enough is enough. You must absolve the dish of past residue and grimes of passion.
Purge the plate of maleficent Rocky Road and pecan pie. Flush the demons down the drain. Shine that plate until you can see your face reflect the pristine white glow of soap. That’s all it takes to free a dish of the grit that taints it.
Now say 12 Hail Mary’s and we’ll call it a day.
Debris or not debris. That is the question.
Only you can set it free.
Earlier this week, I told you about Think Spin’s extreme blog makeover by the talented blog plastic surgeons at TribalBlogs.net. If you lower your gaze to the picture below, you’ll see the old me where I look like a Rabbi.
Now, look out below at my blog makeover logo. I hope you love it as much as I do. To see the bigger picture, please mosey on over to my new digs at http://thinkspin.com.
You see, in addition to having a fancy new blogdo, I’m moving to my own domain at http://thinkspin.com. There’s still some minor tweaking going on, e.g. getting my blogroll in order and waiting for all my Disqus comments to move in. Their truck is rather slow.
So, please change your feeds and add http://thinkspin.com to your blogrolls, which are a lot like egg rolls without the MSG, but just as tasty.
I highly recommend signing up for bloggy rehab at tribalblogs.net if your blog is in need of an attitude readjustment. Yo, that’s the official Extreme Blog Makeover badge below with a link to the seven-step program.
I hope to see you at my new home. You’re welcome to stop by anytime. Mi casa es su casa.
Before you leave, please have some wine and cheese. It’s my treat.
Barking Up the Far Right Tree in Straw Poll, Iowa
With a purebred to mutt ratio of 2 to 1, the recent Iowa vote reflected the views of the majority of Straw Poll voters, the Bulldogs and Hounds.
When asked if Dog belonged in politics, Harry Hound bayed, “Buuuuuuuuut of course, who better to keep the American mutt in a pack-speak mentality than an Alpha Dog. Society is more orderly with Dog in charge.”
The others in the crowd agreed, wagging their tails in unison while peeing on a portion of lawn fashioned after the Constitution.
Harry Hound added. “It says right here on the grass, written in poo, ‘In Dog We Trust.’”
“Isn’t it true that you’re dyslexic,” Rabid Reporter said.
“We’ll leave that decision to the citizens of this taerg country.”
Mutt onlookers sat watching from the gallery, with ears pinned back, tails stuck between their legs; they started to howl, “Owwwwwt! Kick the bitches Owwwwwt!”
The Mutts panted nervously, as Maggie Three Breeds nosed her way through the crowd and nudged Rabid Reporter’s hand.
“I’d like to make a statement,” Maggie said, hocked up a grass loogie and continued. “Every family unit is a pack with its own Dog in charge. Putting the pack and Dog into politics is a dangerous precedent,” she warned.
“Then, the Buck doesn’t stop here. The Buck stops by the banks where the only cash flows and gets mauled by Paper Pusher Predators that corral all the Bucks and Does. No, Dog does not belong in politics. Dog belongs in the home with the family pack.”
Happy barking echoed from the Mutt gallery crowd.
“And out!” Rabid Reporter said, then followed Harry Hound’s scent to the staging area that reeked of expensive pee. “Would you like to respond to what Maggie Three Breeds said?”
After Harry Hound finished licking his balls, he turned to address the purebred elite.
“Dog rules. Mutts drool,” Harry shouted. “Without Dog in politics, all the mutts would run free, muddying the culture of our purebred theocracy. Long live Dog. In Dog We Trust!”
After the howling subsided, the Dog handlers grabbed the voters and shoved them into their pens.
“It’s better if they think that they’re in charge,” Big Biz said, and lugged the purebreds to the next stop on the low road of the Dog and Ponzi show.
Think Spin is getting a whole bloggy makeover, a little nip, a lot of tuck with a brand new chassis. After two plus years of wear and tear on the old blog template (and an early birthday gift), I was inspired by June at the Neurosis File to get the makeover after the fabulous blog work she had done.
The cyber surgeons, Jen of Redheadranting.com and Cardiogirl of Cardiogirl.net have a wonderful blogside manner. They explained each step of the process to me in simple non techno-speak terms and made sure that my eyes weren’t crossed before they rolled the gurney into the OR.
The new Think Spin is a work in progress, which is inherent in the luminescent sparks, floating orbs, and glint of light only seen through night vision goggles. On Wednesday, we will cut the ribbon and lift the veil for a viewing of the Think Spin blog reveal. Virtual wine and cheese will be served. You’re welcome to bring a guest and leave a comment at the door.
Yes, my friends. Change is scary but inevitable. “Just build it and they will come.” Don’t listen to the naysayers.
NEGATIVE SHOULDER JOCKEY
You can’t handle the change!
POSITIVE SHOULDER JOCKEY
Yes, you can!
Go away negative shoulder jockey. This blog is going to make some change.
Gone through any changes lately beside the change of life? I’m still riding that Tsunami.