White House Pulls The Plug On Meals On Wheels

Considered a non-essential item in the White House budget, the Meals on Wheels program will likely be terminated along with grandma — “Whose life expectancy exceeds her value to society,” according to the budget overview. “Non-essential spending on people who’ve outlasted their expiration date will be shifted to essential budgets like the military, to help pay for wars caused by Trump‘s… Continue reading

DeVos To Rollout Her Vodka Soda Swap Plan For Schools

Higher education depends on a higher tolerance to alcohol. ~Betsy DeVos In Betsy DeVos first action as Secretary of Education, she called for an expansion of Michelle Obama‘s healthy school lunch program, introducing her plan to replace sodas with vodka in school cafeteria vending machines. A spokesperson for Stolichnaya confirmed reports of airplane-sized bottles being flow into… Continue reading

The Internet ADHD Experiment

  Scientists using the focally-challenged as lab rats. The Internet is more addictive than crack because it’s as pervasive as air. Earlier today, the Fantasy News Network (FNN) uncovered a massive secret program in which ADHD individuals are unwittingly being used as test subjects in one of the most ambitious experiments in human history, in… Continue reading