My Coupon Dysfunction

I stormed the doors at the Stop & Shop with my cart, then grabbed a circular to bolster my arsenal of clippings.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

As I popped a wheelie down the produce aisle, I checked my list, scribbled by illiterate chickens, against the store circular and discount snippets.

Don’t forget to read the 2-pt print.

I did on the Quaker Oats coupon. I bought one instead of two and really got screwed.

Despite the Quaker Oats mishap, at checkout (literally and figuratively), the never-ending cashier receipt registered a savings of $57.58.

But my euphoria lasted as long as a sugar rush. Once I got home and unloaded the plastic, not paper, bags, I realized that a lot of stuff had gone MIA.

“A cart full of stuff,” according to Service Desk Gal, who answered the call.

Half the goods in fact.

I’d be a terrible thief.

Later after work, my husband invaded the market to free the bags held captive at the Service Desk.

What could I say?

I got blindsided by a redeemable slip.

And dehydrated by a lack of H20 reinforcements who were back home conducting counter intelligence exercises.

Many leave-behind casualties that day.

I didn’t need a supermarket shrink to tell me what I already knew.

Couponing traumatized me.

Just ask Rebecca at THE SNEE, contributor extraordinaire and writer of Breaking Coupon News: Dangerous Discounts Cut Both Ways! for “Coupon Week.” Thanks again, Rebecca. Please check out THE SNEE, Sometimes, Never, Eventually Express, for superb satire.

Also ask my neurotic friend June at The Neurosis Files where she blogs about her angst-filled days in a hilarious, literary way. Her writing is amazing.

I’d like to end with some coupon advice from Mini Skirt and Spitting Up. Thank you, Mini.

If you’re Canadian…

…Go to and start from there. It has lots of 101 couponing info ! I always try to find coupons online before buying an item. If I can’t find any then fine but at least, I have tried ! :)

By doing a google search of “item of desire + coupon” , you can save a lot of money ! As for the cutting and stacking of paper…it grows on you. It is all worth it in the end when you see how much you have saved ! Good luck and tell me how you did !

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  1. THE SNEE says:

    First off. Thanks for the very big shout out!  Second,  You really forgot your bags after getting caught up in coupon euphoria!  That is priceless. Perhaps Couponmania is an actual condition?   I liked that you shrunk your grocery bill. But did you save a pretty penny? Great post Lauren, and sincerely….Thanks so much.

    • Lauren

      You’re welcome. Yes, it was totally true. I left half my stuff there. I think it was because I was dehydrated. I wandered off oblivious to the fact that I left the store without my market bling.

  2. Jayne

    What a score!   I laughed out loud that you then forgot half your stuff.  That’s so something I would do on any given day, no coupons even involved.  

    • Lauren

      I knew when I got home that I forgot some stuff but didn’t know the extent of my MIA items until after I spoke with the gal at the market. I hope it’s just CRS (can’t remember shit) and not an epic senior moment.

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