The Irrational Fear of Blogging

I woke up today and remembered that I had a blog.

I’m slightly amnesic after a Google search algorithm sideswiped me while I was surfing Craigslist. I also might be HTML intolerant.

Pavlov

Pavlov (Photo credit: sclopit)

Lately, the word “blog” sounds more like “blahg” when it rolls off my tongue, as if a rotten pistachio nut left a bad taste in my mouth.

Maybe it has something to do with watching five minutes of the new Fear Factor, or motion sickness from the dizzying swings of the S&P.

Or maybe because I fell off a pile of bills and hit my head at the bottom of my bank account.

I’m also pretty sure that that derelict Fear regularly squats on my shoulder, plunging the northern region of my torso into freezing temperatures.

All those ideas I scribbled onto scraps of paper went MIA, lost somewhere on my desk, or in my mind, after a Wizard of Oz squall sent me back to Kansas in an invisible hot air balloon, as I clicked my heels together three times in an attempt to kill yellow brick road ants that infested my shoes.

And those 3,080 emails clogging up my inbox might be a problem, or perhaps my neurotic perfectionist tendencies that encourages me to save. I hope my compulsion lands me a show on the Discovery Channel about email hoarding.

Reading blogs used to release dopamine into my brain and send coffee spurting from my nose. Now it just elicits a swift kick to the gut and a panicked grip to the windpipe.

Damn shoulder squatter!

What’s the problem? I love interacting with virtually every species of avatar.

Maybe earthling matters have clouded my perception. Writing a memoir squeezes the creative juices from my brain.

I’m also exhausted working three days a week, as a part-time desk jockey, earning dog food pay.

Because I’m Pavlov’s human, my dogs torture me every day. They’re always barking up the wrong tree. You know, the one that fell without a sound when I wasn’t around the other two days.

Pavlov's Bell(Dreaming.....on the Starlight train)

Image by mRio via Flickr

It’s time to wake up and spurt the coffee.

I won’t let fear – of what I don’t know – keep me away from the blogosphere.

Maybe, I’ll Google cyber shrinks and then dive this time, thus avoiding the concussive effects of an errant algorithm wave.

 

Does Fear ever squat on your shoulder?

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21 Comments

  1. Jayne says:

    I’m always afraid that I’ll never write anything good again. Then I think about how Barbra Streisand has paralyzing stage fright. And how even Mickey Mantle didn’t hit the ball out of the park every single time. Then I just keep writing.

  2. The Snee says:

    I relate! I feel like someone from AA standing on a podium. “It has been 35 days since I last….”  Is it entropy or inertia? I’m actually not sure?
    Good for you for blasting through the blahgs, and coming back strong after being cyber side-wiped by Google. What a recovery!  I will try and follow your example, but I’d hate to make a new year resolution about it.   Happy New Year Lauren!

    • Lauren says:

      Get off your inertia and write something. The hardest part is sitting down to write. I swear my computer looks like a wildebeest from ten feet away.
      Happy New Year to you, too.

  3. ReformingGeek says:

    I’m so glad you blahged.  I’ve missed your warped wit with a side of spewed crackers. 

    Lose some weight.  Get that fear chip off your shoulder.  Fear and anxiety are useless.

  4. Miss Lego says:

    LOL, you are so funny and I like it that you take it in such a lovely type mood, all this things you described, lol.

    • Lauren says:

      Hi Miss Lego,

      Thank you. I try to see humor in most situations. Sometimes I’m successful, other times I hide in the underground bunker where nefarious characters lurk inside. I wish they didn’t have the combination to the airlock.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Yep. Oh, yeah. I know exactly what you’re saying, Lauren. At first, I thought, “Well, it’s just that all my energy is going into the radio show.” Now, with Christmas vacation, and time to blog, I have found all kinds of other things to do instead…some legit, some not…either way, my poor blog is feeling neglected and I am wondering if I have just moved on to the radio portion of my online career vs. the printed word, or if this is just a phase I am going through. Aaaarrrgggh! Wish I knew! Of course, it could just be the HTML intolerance of which you speak, my friend. Either way, you got something down on paper, and I haven’t lately – consider yourself a step ahead! ;) Great post, as always, Girl. All my best to you.

    • Lauren says:

      Hi Heidi,

      I have an email sitting in draft addressed to you. I promise I’ll finish writing it.

      The radio show could very well be another weapon in your creative arsenal. You could actually use your blog as another tool for the radio show, to continue discussing topics after a show ends or to help promote your shows. Hey! You’ve got a blog. Why not use it in conjunction with the show.

      Listened to the show with Lizz as the guest. Loved it! It was also great hearing your voice.

      Keep up the great work!

      Thanks for swinging by. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.

  6. Comedy Plus says:

    May you and yours have a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.  :)

  7. Tracie says:

    You know I can relate to this all too well. It seemed like the longer I was away the harder it was to actually tippity-type out a blog post. I don’t feel like I’m fully “back” right now but it is good to be interacting with other bloggers again. 

    • Lauren says:

      Tracie,

      I haven’t been blogging much lately either, but I’m trying to get back in the swing of things.

      The hardest part is getting started. I’m not “fully” back yet either. I’m working at it.

      Keep on blogging!!!!

  8. Anonymous says:

    Love your post – (first time visit to your blog)  I too have gotten behind with other things due to the blog. I haven’t taken a break yet, over a year on several blogs and less than a year with inspire. Maybe one shouldn’t take a break too long?  Thanks for the a.m. laughs too!

    • Lauren says:

      Thank you, Lisa.

      I stopped posting because I was afraid to write a shitty blog post, so I wrote nothing. I realized that I had forgotten why I started writing the blog, to have fun writing and stay sane because I was unemployed in 2009 and parts of 2010. When I reintroduced the fun back into blogging, I started writing again. I don’t care what anybody says. You’ve got to write to please yourself.

  9. Rob Bear says:

    Quoth the Blogger, “Evermore!”
    Sums the situation up quite nicely.

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